Tag Archives: Third resolution

Serve others – because in doing so you will serve yourself.

06 Saturday Feb 2016

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“A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.” Patricia Neal and Richard DeNeut

I had the pleasure, honour and challenge of presenting a principle-centred leadership programme to a class of young people this week, which makes the above quote a little more appropriate and timely. Years ago I approached the UK arm of the 7 Habits ‘people’ about providing Seven Habits training to schools, and as they’d already thought of it themselves (DUH!) they were piqued by my interest and invited me along to a consultation on the subject. Much later I was able to fund and provide a full 7 Habits for Teens programme at a local school, and after a lot of other opportunities came my way I am now able to provide such training on a more formal basis.

When I first started following the 7 Habits, which was as a result of reading First Things First and being enthralled and inspired by the approach to principle centred living, one of the most impactive thoughts I had was, “Why wasn’t I taught this in schools?” As a (then) 35-year-old having a bit of a crisis, and coming through it because of what I had read and applied, I was almost embittered by the fact that I had learned this ‘stuff’ 17 years too late. In fairness, as it had only just become well-known since the publication of the book when I was 28 this was not entirely society’s fault.

But now this kind of training CAN be taught to schools throughout the world, and specifically in the UK, I would ask any of you involved in education to look at the site through which more details can be found, namely, http://www.learninganddevelopmentacademy.com .

Engaging young people and telling them that what society, their environment and their past tells them may not be true and that they are able to control, plan, prepare for and execute on their own destiny is immensely noble. Yes, my Third Resolution is being executed on by my providing this service to teenagers and their teachers, and at the same time this provision allows me to reinforce my own (usually poor) performance in this area.

We learn most what we teach. The more I teach this material the better I get, not only as an individual but as a teacher.

What do you do that teaches you as you serve? What sort of person have you become – or could you become – as a result of discovering your own noble purpose and serving others in a way that simultaneously serves you?

Find out. Then do it. It’d amazingly developmental.

 

For more on the Third Resolution, invest in The Three Resolutions at Amazon. Or get the Kindle version HERE.

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What do you believe in?

03 Sunday Jan 2016

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And what exactly are you doing about it?

The Third Resolution states, “To overcome the Restraining Forces of Aspiration and Ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purpose and to provide service to others.” This is achievable at many possible levels, but in the final analysis it is NOT done – and here I am being a tad accusatory – by signing a petition on Facebook, or ‘sharing’ a post which, if you are objective and sit back for a moment, you cannot be certain is real.

(I’ve lost count of pictures of someone/something where the post is circulated to capture someone for something evil they have done. When we have no knowledge if the post is actually true, or us in fact an attempt to destroy someone else’s reputation, or to find someone for evil purposes.)

Service requires something more than just agreeing with someone else’s opinion, more than putting a £1 in a charity tin. It requires positive, meaningful ACTION.

To illustrate, let me show off. I believe in The Seven Habits and associated philosophies. I believe in the professionalism of the investigation industry. So to positively act in respect of the former I funded and provided delivery of 7 Habits for Teens training at a local school and I have recently joined a group of people doing something similar on a national basis. In respect of the investigators I have, with others, produced a training course and oversee its delivery to students interested in becoming investigators.

In respect of both I was a volunteer, but the service provided and the associated experience has led to both now being real and potential sources of income. (Don’t anticipate being a millionaire but every little helps.)

And there is nothing wrong with being paid a reasonable, appropriate return for the provision of noble service to others. It’s how the world works. If you couldn’t earn money serving you’d starve. (David Middleton’s reported £250k pa from a charity seems a bit steep.)

But providing service based on what you believe in is a lot better than just trudging through life counting widgets when widget counting does not float your boat. If your work can’t reflect your beliefs, then volunteer in a way that does. You may find that being in the ‘service’ pond enables you to swim with the bigger fish that’ll take you better places. (Plaices? Sorry.)

And when push comes to shove, if you value only your family, then make sure that the service you provide is the one they want. Take them on holiday where THEY want to go. Buy the things they NEED, not just WANT.

And be there, be present. You don’t serve the family you say you value, by spending all your time earning money to buy the things that take up their attention so they don’t notice your absence.

For more on the Third Resolution, consider purchasing the book HERE.

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There’s no ‘I’ in Team. But there’s a ‘Me’ if you look.

19 Tuesday May 2015

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“No matter what accomplishments you made, somebody helped you.” Althea Gibson

Which, if you like, is the corollary* of The Third Resolution, because the consequence of serving others is a heightened sense of self-worth that in turn makes us more productive and more creative. This is also a demonstration of how the sixth of the 7 Habits – Synergy – works.

Synergy is the result of creative co-operation, where two or more parties come together to create something that was greater than any one of them could have created alone, and which is even greater than the sum of the parts. To use Covey’s own metaphor it is when 1+1=3, 10, or 10,000. It’s how Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak created Apple, and how Bill Gates and Paul Allen created Microsoft.

But possibly the greater example of synergy could be Thomas Edison. He had been working with Nokola Tesla, and both were acknowledged and great innovators in the field of electricity. But while Tesla essentially worked on and pursued his own inventions, Edison utilised teamwork to a more effective degree and eventually registered three times as many patents as Tesla. And to be fair, more people have heard of Edison.

To use the inappropriate cliché phrase ‘Chiefs and Indians’, those ‘Indians’ among us will be aware of how many ‘Chiefs’ have been rewarded, feted and even celebrated for great work. How many Knighthoods, peerages, bonuses and promotions they have won – all on the work done by other people. That said, I must emphasise that not every person so honoured was inappropriately rewarded. Most awards and accolades are deserved.

But let’s not forget that even Newton admitted that he was just standing on the shoulders of ‘other’ giants when he made his discoveries.

There’s nothing I like more than a sincere expression of gratitude by one honoured person for the work done by other, anonymous team members. And nothing worse than a blatantly insincere one.

Everything we do is done for, with, or as a result of something done or not done by, somebody else. In the context of this entry, what we achieve is the result of action done in the same way. Nothing happens in a vacuum. There is no response without stimulus. The man who invented the bottle did so not just because he wanted a transparent container in which he could keep liquids, but because there was also a need for others, probably identified by others, for the invention. And he probably didn’t invent glass, either – someone else did that and he used their skills to develop his own idea. That’s synergy.

And it’s the manifestation of The Third Resolution. A service identified and met by someone with the nobility of purpose to do the work necessary to make it happen.

(*It is right, I checked.)

 

The 4 Human Needs and The Third Resolution.

16 Saturday May 2015

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“The four human needs are to live, to love, to learn, and to leave a legacy.” Stephen R Covey

Contrary to all ex-servicemen and ex-police officers basic instincts I volunteered again this week, to serve an association to which I am, er, associated. Why, I don’t hear you ask.

Humans have four needs, as proposed by Stephen Covey. (Tony Robbins identified 6 but they’re encompassed by Covey’s 4.) When all 4 needs are met, you hit a sweet spot, as illustrated.

4HN

As shown above, the needs are:

  • to live (physical, survival, economic needs),
  • to love (social-emotional, connection needs),
  • to learn (mental, growth needs), and
  • to leave a legacy (meaning need).

Let’s focus on that last one for a moment.

The Third Resolution states “To overcome the restraining forces of unbridled aspiration and ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purposes and to provide service to others.”

This isn’t a call to action by someone seeking your blind obedience. If you to choose to accept it, it is your personal declaration of, and commitment to act upon your own conscience-driven acceptance that in order to have some meaning in your life, you have to (and must want to) provide service to others.

It is a spiritual need, a need to not just be good, but to be good for something, something outside of ourselves. While an egotist may be satisfied with a headstone that says, “See, I told you I was great,” the rest of us would like to have been appreciated by someone for having done something that they remember affected them positively. Even the statement, “Beloved father/mother/brother/friend” shows an appreciation for who we were in respect of others, and what we meant to them.

That is why charities exist. They exist so that those involved can serve others. The same applies to professional associations, even to political parties – until they get a bit self-focused, but that’s another blog. Several, in fact. (Oddly, competing charities, parties and associations often exist because of the egos of the competing parties who want the charity run ‘their way’, rather than just serving the other. Why else is Help the Heroes now competing with umpteen other charities?)

So, as conscience-driven commitment to, and in compliance with the Third Resolution, it is our responsibility to find opportunities to serve. My own recommendation is that you serve family first, and then those organisations to which you are connected and which, if you think about it, have already served you. That can mean communities, charities, professional associations, you name it.

Anyway, that’s what I’m doing. Next, I get to find out what I have actually let myself in for.

Social Media Posts – Ideologically Rude?

02 Sunday Nov 2014

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I get a lot of Facebook posts from friends with a bee in their bonnet about all sorts of causes – political (annoying) and Green issues (not interested), and I was going to write a blog about how I found this intrusive. Emphasis on WAS. Bear with.

The reason I intended to do that was partly because of my disinterest in their issues, and because my own political views are more often than not either completely opposite to, or certainly less blatantly ideological than theirs. Or at least that’s how it appears to be to me. It’s no secret! Another reason is this. Their objective must surely be to engage me/others in their cause, not necessarily as an evangelist but as a co-thinker. Otherwise there’s no point, is there?

But as I walk around watching people who throw fags from their cars (the ones with ashtrays), drop litter feet from a bin, spit on the floor, use the F-word every second word, follow celeb fashions with a religious fervour, and/or commit any other unsociable, selfish and inconsiderate act, I question whether those with a cause are wasting their time, and then conclude it’s just as well that they DO take up these causes. I told you to bear with.

Stephen Covey once said or quoted, “One man’s mission is another man’s minutiae.” That’s absolutely right. Your cause means much to you, even if it means s*d all to me.

And while I remain absolute in my opposing or less ideological opinion, or in my total disinterest in your views and/or cause, I ABSOLUTELY respect your right to hold those views, I am (sort of) glad that you hold them because it does ultimately make life better for someone, somewhere, somehow, sometimes. Occasionally that will even include me, even if I can’t see that, yet.

You see, I suddenly realised that just because I exercise my noble purpose/service (Third Resolution) because doing so serves me and those I serve, then your execution of the Third Resolution does the same for you and for those who you serve. I paraphrase Voltaire, who said, ““I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.” I may not go that far, but I respect your right to say it and I applaud your willingness to execute the Third Resolution in doing so.

BTW, Oscar Wilde amended that and said “I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.” Which I equally endorse.

I may not agree with or support your cause and I reserve the right to delete your posts from ‘my’ Facebook or Twitter page.

But I salute you for caring enough to say it.

Why (some) personal development advice is WRONG.

20 Saturday Sep 2014

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This week I was running along on one of my longer runs listening to my iPod, this time to an audio book called ‘The Good Psychopaths Guide to Success’ by Kevin Dutton and the SAS veteran Andy McNab. They proposed that the one way to get anything done in this world, the only way, was to decide what you want and then focus on that 100% of your waking hours – okay, perhaps not quite 100%, but certainly to focus 100% on achieving that goal. This was also a suggestion made by the personal development writer and speaker Brian Tracy, who says, “Decide upon your major definite purpose in life and then organise ALL (my capitals) your activities around it”, which I took to have the same meaning as that proposed by Dutton and McNab. It seemed sage advice when I heard it from Tracy, so much so that I downloaded a picture of that quote and used it as my smartphone home screen screensaver for a week (before I re-loaded my Personal Mission Statement again).

There is certainly a lot to be said for discovering your fundamental purpose in life and dedicating your time to it, putting your heart and soul into achieving that noble purpose in the hope that it will come to pass. The great successes of our history are often said to have done it ‘like that’. And, like I said, it made sense. For a bit.

I say ‘for a bit’ because I realised that this piece of advice was absolutely fine for a single man or woman, who is responsible and accountable only to themselves for what he or she does, and for whom other people are not necessarily a factor in that success. I don’t mean that other people aren’t important to them, only that the focus on their singular purpose is so precise that those other people are either with them, or they’re not in the circle, so to speak.

For most people, there is a problem with focusing all your time on your passionate purpose and that is – you love, respect, like and need to spend time with other people who are not, necessarily, involved in your noble purpose. They may support you but they aren’t part of the great plan. For most of us, those people we love who are not part of the inner circle of The Plan are those in our other inner circle – our family.

I suggest in my (it’s coming, honest) book that one example of a noble purpose is that of family. This isn’t a mind-blowing discovery for which I take credit, it’s the counsel of Dr Covey. He didn’t only write about personal success like so many other authors (and I’m surprised how many do focus only on ‘you’ when I think about all my reading), he always, always included that most important of organisations to which we provide great service, known to all as The Family. (Not the Mob, that’s a different family.)

Half of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ was about relationships. In Principle-Centred Leadership two who chapters were about family relationships and ‘Making Champions of your Children’. ALL of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families was about family.

Providing service to others (the Third Resolution) must be part of one’s Noble Purpose if it is to succeed. NOT providing a service is unlikely to serve a noble purpose anyway – try not serving your customers in a business. Seriously, though, one organisation, one set of ‘customers’ that we all should serve – indeed, when we married them or created them we intended to serve them – is Family. For me, great service to others is noble, desirable, and honourable. But how about service to your kith and kin – is it any less noble?

If all you can do in your own circumstances is serve your own family, then that just might be enough. And if you think about most of the true historical greats you see (more often than not) that they had fantastic familial relationships, too.

I guess what I am saying is this – if you can serve your organisation, community to a high level, that’s marvellous. But if you have to choose (because of time or circumstance, e.g. the needs of an ill relative) then choose family. Your work will forget you soon after you leave the job. Your community changes and develops. But your family is always there and will always need you.  Don’t focus all of your time on your Purpose at their expense.

It so nice to think that if you serve family well – you will serve yourself, too.

 

Weekly Challenge

Make the effort to ‘be nice’ to your family. Pay them compliments, honour their achievements, or just say ‘hello’. Truly forgive someone who has offended you, even if you do so only in your own heart and mind. Write what you have done in your journal, and see how good it makes you feel without having to feel better through manipulation or appreciation.

 

Blog Part

I lost 5 pounds, folks. I saw the number 14 on the scales for the first time since at least 2009 (if not 2008). My running is (almost) at the point at which I am enjoying it – I won’t pretend it’s the opium of the masses yet, but it is feeling more comfortable as time passes. I did break my mile record (twice) and I’m ‘back’ up to the 30 minutes (3.45 mile) mark. Well on target. Yesterday’s run was after 8 hours shopping (I am a dynamo) – it was seeing my PMS as my laptop screensaver that reminded me of the purpose. T does get you moving provided it is on your mind. Many people say they’ve written one only to file it away (mentally) as ‘done’, and so castrate it at that moment. I know I’ve done that. As I believe I said – it’s on my laptop, my wall, my phone, my dog-tags, my wristband (I bought 10), my 4 t-shirts, 2 sweatshirts, 2 hoodies and a hat. My daughter also bought me a lovely stainless steel business card holder with the words “Seven Habits – Three Resolutions” engraved on it. I really mean to live it, as you may deduce. It’s not only on those ‘things’ – it’s on my mind, too.

In terms of other PMS objectives I spent four days editing and updating the Manual for Investigators that I originally wrote in 2003. A student on our course gave us some feedback on how dated it was and we welcomed that feedback. (I know, surprised me, too.) Initially expecting the work to take weeks, in three days I’d broken the back of all 29 chapters. Of course, with greater resources and time we could make it even better but as a training manual it does what it needs to do, at a cost the Institute can manage.

And yesterday I spent money on improving the home. (Oooooh! Me wallet!) We bought a bit of furniture to remove the need to fill all flat surfaces with (a) flotsam and (b) dust.*

*(He said, hopefully yet with a resigned ‘sigh’).

 

 

 

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