Tag Archives: The Way

You Can Go Your Own Way – Here’s How.

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This week, I’d like to take an opportunity to tell you more about my book “The Way: Integrity on Purpose.”

In 2014 I self-published ‘The Three Resolutions’, an effort to expand upon Stephen Covey’s own writing under that title, which was a small chapter in his book ‘Principle-Centred Leadership’. The chapter described how making three commitments could make quantum improvements in an individual’s life, specifically in three areas. The areas were the physical self in terms of the wellbeing of the body; the ‘mental’ self in terms of character and competence; and the spiritual self in terms of contribution and service to others. The commitments were to overcome appetites and passions through the application of self-discipline and self-denial; overcome pretentions and pride through becoming a person of good character, and of great professional competence; and to overcome unbridled ambition and aspiration through a focus outside oneself.

I expanded on the concepts and publicly committed to a set of rules, values and a personal mission statement that reflected those headings. In many ways I succeeded in executing to a degree, but I felt that I wasn’t as compliant with my intentions as I could or should have been. Asking myself why, and considering the self-generated feedback that resulted, I concluded that there were four reasons why I, and many others, don’t feel as though our level of compliance with our mission statements is as high as we would like.

This realisation led me to consider the reasons for this, and how we could go about addressing the gap between desire and execution in living our personal mission statement; or, for the purposes of this book, living The Way.

First, though, I want to make one clear statement.

When I use the expression ‘The Way’ I am not saying there is only one ‘way’.

When I use the expression ‘The Way’ I am talking about what you will discover, in this book and through its study, is YOUR ‘Way’. Not mine, yours. This book isn’t about moralising and dictating what you should think, feel and do. I may make some suggestions, but the focus is intended to be on assisting the reader to discover his or her own Way, not just reproduce people who believe in mine. The objective is to help you design your better way of living, and for me to redesign and recommit to mine. But yours and mine will be different, either to some small degree if we are alike in some way, or by a huge difference if your values are hugely different to mine.

The Process

I concluded that there is only one true route to personal success. It’s a straightforward formula of four phases. They are:

  1. Find the Way
  2. Learn the Way
  3. Live the Way
  4. Teach the Way

These four phases systematically summarise a strategy for living. The system reflects the identification, learning and application process, that process which we all undertake when learning to live, to work, to earn, to relate to others, to manage – everything. They embody all the skills we need to have and to demonstrate in our efforts to live ‘properly’. They also reflect those areas where, if we are not careful, we will act badly.

This system parallels any development process undertaken anywhere, by anyone, for any purpose. It is how a professional learns; it is how a religion becomes ingrained into an adherent to that religion; it is how a family member learns to become a contributor to that family.  The reason that such a system works is because it is neutral. It is a principle in action. It is the principle of progression, of starting out as a novice with the aim of becoming a master.

I believe that the route to living your Way is taken through these four steps. The steps are progressive, and they involve properly and fully identifying the Way, studying in greater detail about how the Way can be executed, then living in such a fashion as to clearly be in congruence with the Way, and finally to reinforce your Way by teaching it.

In brief, the four elements of The Way are expanded thus:

  • Find the Way

To quote Covey, the first challenges we face when deciding The Way is that we are not sure who we are, and where we want to go. The first part of the book is therefore intended to help you decide what values you have or want to have, the associated behaviours you believe will help you comply with those values, and writing them down so that you, yourself, clearly understand them.

  • Learn the Way

The second challenge, once we have put our fingers on who we want to be and where we want to go, is to learn how to do so. This section will be about studying and committing to the behaviours that serve execution of The Way.

  • Live the Way

Having overcome the first two challenges, there remain still further challenges to living the Way.

The first is that we do not realise that we are compliant because we don’t feel as though we are ‘doing’ our mission all of the time. Life gets in our way in the sense that it is hard to consider yourself ‘carrying out your mission’ when you are filling the dishwasher. Life is full of little routines that have to be done but aren’t, well, exciting.

The second reason for ineffective application of The Way that we have identified is inextricably linked to the first. As our lives are littered with unexciting, routine, non-mission projects, tasks and other activities, we fail to properly and routinely recognise opportunities to execute on our missions. For example, part of my own mission is to be patient with others. Imagine a day cluttered with runs to the shops, commuting in traffic jams, banking and managing money – then something jumps at you and interrupts you and in that second you react impatiently, because you haven’t seen, in the clutter, that opportunity to be what you want to be. The third part of the book is intended to help you overcome the challenges and live The Way – the way that you want to.

  • Teach the Way

And one way of living The Way is to spend a lot of time teaching it. Covey counselled participants at his many events that the best way to learn something is to teach it to others. He would ‘volunteer’ random attendees and tell them he was about to teach something that they would have to repeat to other participants. Then he would point out to those others that his ‘volunteers’ had just pricked up their ears and picked up their pens – they were now listening because they knew they had to understand what they were about to teach. The fourth part of the book will advise you on how to do this.

To summarise, then, the objective of this book is to

  • Help the student identify the values, disciplines and objectives for their future success in life.
  • Help the student find the motivation to learn the precise definition of those values so that they are content they reflect their true desires. And then to master that understanding.
  • Help the student master and execute the behaviours and actions needed to live in accordance with the values they themselves have identified in the first two parts.
  • Encourage the student to teach others, with the objectives of both spreading the word and ingraining their own improved mastery of their chosen path.

I hope you take the opportunity to get a copy, which is available at Amazon through THIS LINK and is as much a bargain of a paperback as I could make it!

Self-publishing. A Case, and a Plea.

11 Wednesday Nov 2020

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Let’s be frank. If you search Amazon for a book by subject you will come across some plainly self-published books, and you might wince. I see ‘summaries’ of other writers’ works and ask, “Why not just buy the original!?” Many such books also come across as having only a few pages (with HUGE fonts) and that makes you question the value you’ll get as a purchaser.

However, I have read some very deep, well-written books that have been self-published via Amazon. The quality of the binding is fine if not spectacular, the authors have clearly considered their content and, occasional grammar and spelling goofs aside, they have been a pleasure to read. A good example is Tim Brownson’s “The Clarity Method” (although the © he insists on using for ‘his’ name for a values-based coaching method that has been around for 40 years irks a little.) Another fine book is Unified Power by Charles R. Hobbs and Greg  W. Allison – relatively short, but a deep exploration and description of how the principles of Integrity, (secular) Faith, Love and Purpose underpin our best work. So here’s the case for my efforts.

First of all, my books are 150 to 300+ pages, and I recently amended one because a purchaser said that the 130 pages of The Way had too small a font. It’s now 150 pages. My revision of Police Time Management will be well over 300 in A4, 12-font. MASSIVE. The Three Resolutions is also in a small font and 300 pages long. (Might have to make that bigger for the age-related squint.) In a nutshell, you get lots of paper and words for your buck.

Second, they are original. I’ll rephrase that. While any thought that gave rise to them arose from my own studies and experiences, they aren’t merely summaries of someone else’s efforts with little or no input from me. The Three Resolutions is a broad self-development  philosophy and approach to life based on a three page article by Stephen Covey, and brings broader self-help advice into a three step developmental process or paradigm. Police Time Management takes a lot of what I have learned and applied over 25 years and directs it specifically at policing and at the professional and personal lives of those with whom I was proud to serve. And The Way is a book in which I provide a progressive approach to identifying your own – not mine – approach to a congruent life. Yes, they have derived from my studies, but they aren’t in any way ‘just’ a summary of other works. (I was tempted to amalgamate them into one big book but you’d get a hernia carrying it.)

So they are self-published. I haven’t got a huge company behind me, just a life very much like those of most people. But when you first picked up a book by Sinek, Robbins, Covey or anyone else – did you know or care who they were or did you look at the description and contents page and think, “I must read this”?

Okay, that’s my pitch finished. But what about you?Is there a book in you? Do you have a philosophy, a story to tell, a standpoint that needs to be strongly promoted? Do you want to make a story up? Well – what’s stopping you?

You can write and self-publish at no cost via kdp.amazon.com, like many do. It’s easy and, as in the case of The Way font, you can immediately edit any errors in time for the next order! What’s more you can paperback AND Kindle your book, although there is an art to that.

You may only sell copies to yourself. But here’s the kicker. If you put enough thought and effort into your work you might find, as I did, that your cognitive and reasoning abilities, your understanding of what’s happening around you (and how you’re being played!) and possibly even your IQ, will be enhanced. You’ be better – ‘all round’ better. And you’ll feel a greater sense of self-esteem just for having done the writing.

So I’d ask you to do two things. First, write a book. Second, don’t dismiss a self-published book without at least using the ‘Look Inside’ facility that Amazon provides so that you can get a sense of the content of the book, the author’s style and the effort that was – or wasn’t – put into it.

We amateur wordsmiths thank you for the few minutes you give to us when you do that.

The Great Advantage

16 Wednesday Sep 2020

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“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom,” said Socrates. Wise fella.

But you should take into account that while knowing yourself is desirable, it is neither the sole objective of self-analysis, nor the sole result. You can know yourself but you have to want to do that for a reason (purpose, for example). And once you know yourself there is a kind of added benefit.

To identify that benefit, consider this question: “Unless I understand myself, how can I expect others to understand me – and to understand others, myself?” In my latest book, The Way, I describe a process for discovering your personal values and rules, those states of being and definitions of what is and isn’t ‘right’. Not ‘right’ in the legal or even moral sense – they are matters for you – but ‘right’ in your own mind and soul. These values and rules are the reasons why other people annoy you, and why you feel guilty when you act in a way that you know isn’t ‘right’.

Having discovered your own values, you also discover that other people have values and rules – and they can be (often and routinely ARE) different to yours. They may use the same words, but they define their values and set their own rules for interpreting when they are or aren’t, or someone else is or isn’t, ‘compliant’.

That’s why, for example, as a time management and personal organising nutcase I get absolutely tampin’ mad (serious tampin’ – no g) when my beloved wife doesn’t display quote the same levels of effort in their regard.

Look at your own personality conflicts at work or in the family – are they merely the result of seeing things differently – of placing different levels of importance on stuff, or playing by different rules?

Once you know you have values and rules and others do as well, you are most of the way to understanding others better, and to being able to communicate at a higher level. Instead of (as we all do) listening while rehearsing our pithy comeback or superior argument, we try to fully understand the meaning of what is being said – the hidden, unstated concerns and motives.

That’s the problem with Twitter. You have 240 characters on a digital page to express an opinion. People read what you write, think they understand you despite having never met you, and make a conclusion – but a conclusion based on their values, paradigms and conditioning. They don’t read what you mean – they read what they have decided you mean.

Good reason for not getting involved.

Take some time to consider what is important to you, and then define that exactly. Recognise as you do so that what is important to you is not necessarily as important to others, even if they say they value the same thing. They may define it differently, or they may place that value on a lower rung in preference for something that is more important – to them, if not to you.

Shameless plug – my book The Way deals with this in 150 pages of observation, explanation and encouragement for a reader interested in discovering exactly what it is they’re ‘about’. Which gives you an advantage over anyone who hasn’t the foggiest idea.

A Reminder of What This Site is All About. For me as well as for you.

22 Sunday Nov 2015

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‘The Three Resolutions’ describe how making three commitments can make quantum improvements in an individual’s life, specifically in three areas. The areas are the physical self in terms of the wellbeing of the body; the ‘mental’ self in terms of character and competence; and the spiritual self in terms of contribution and service to others. The commitments to be made are to overcome appetites and passions through the application of self-discipline and self-denial; to overcome pretentions and pride through becoming a person of good character, and of great professional competence; and to overcome unbridled ambition and aspiration through a focus outside oneself.

When I started this site I publicly committed to a set of rules, values and a personal mission statement that reflected those headings. In many ways I succeeded in executing to a degree, but I felt that I wasn’t as compliant with my intentions as I could or should have been. Asking myself why, and considering the self-generated feedback that resulted, I concluded that there were four reasons why I, and many others, don’t feel as though our level of compliance with our mission statements is as high as we would like.

This realisation led me to consider the reasons for this, and how we could go about addressing the gap between desire and execution in living our personal mission statement; or, for the purposes of this article, living The Way©.

One day, while listening to Stephen Covey’s “How to Develop and Use a Personal Mission Statement” audio, I was struck by ‘the glaringly obvious’. As he spoke about how creation and execution of a personal mission statement can direct us towards what we ultimately want, but towards getting what we want in the way it should be ‘got’ rather than through false or foul means, I concluded that there is only one true route to personal success. It’s a straightforward formula of four phrases. They are:

  •  Find the Way
  • Learn the Way
  • Live the Way
  • Teach the Way

These four phrases systematically summarise a strategy for living. The system reflects the identification, learning and application process, that process which we all undertake when learning to live, to work, to earn, to relate to others, to manage – everything. They embody all the skills we need to have and to demonstrate in our efforts to live ‘properly’. They also reflect those areas where, if we are not careful, we will act badly.

This system parallels any development process undertaken anywhere, by anyone, for any purpose. It is how a professional learns; it is how a religion becomes ingrained into an adherent to that religion; it is how a family member learns to become a contributor to that family. The reason that such a system works is because it is neutral. It is a principle in action. It is the principle of progression, of starting out as a novice with the aim of becoming a master – if mastery is sought.

I believe that the route to living your Way is taken through these four steps. The steps are progressive and they involve properly and fully identifying the Way, studying in greater detail about how the Way can be executed, then living in such a fashion as to clearly be in congruence with the Way, and finally to reinforce your Way be teaching it.

In brief, the four elements of The Way are expanded thus:

Find the Way. To quote Covey, the first challenges we face when deciding The Way is that we are not sure who we are, and where we want to go. The first task is therefore to decide what values you have or want to have, the associated behaviours you believe will help you comply with those values, and writing them down so that you, yourself, clearly understand them.

Learn the Way. The second challenge, once we have put our fingers on who we want to be and where we want to go, is to learn how to do so. It is about studying and committing to the behaviours that serve execution of The Way.

Live the Way. Having overcome the first two challenges, there remain still further challenges to living the Way.

The first is that we do not realise that we are compliant because we don’t feel as though we are ‘doing’ our mission all of the time. Life gets in our way in the sense that it is hard to consider yourself carrying out your mission when you are filling the dishwasher. Life is full of little routines that have to be done but aren’t, well, exciting.

The second reason for ineffective application of The Way that we have identified is inextricably linked to the first. As our lives are littered with unexciting, routine, non-mission projects, tasks and other activities, we fail to properly and routinely recognise opportunities to execute on our missions. For example, part of my own mission is to be patient with others. Imagine a day cluttered with runs to the shops, commuting in traffic jams, banking and managing money – then something jumps at you and interrupts you and in that second you react impatiently, because you haven’t seen, in the clutter, that opportunity to be what you want to be. The third step is to identify and overcome the challenges and live The Way – the way that you want to.

Teach the Way. And one way of living The Way is to spend a lot of time teaching it. Stephen Covey counselled participants at his many events that the best way to learn something is to teach it to others. He would ‘volunteer’ random attendees and tell them he was about to teach something that they would have to repeat to other participants. Then he would point out to those others that his ‘volunteers’ had just pricked up their ears and picked up their pens – they were now listening because they knew they had to understand what they were about to teach.

That, therefore, is what this site is about. Providing articles and suggestions to help you get what you want, to the level you want, in a principled way. To help you find your Way.

Go to it.