Tag Archives: “stephen Covey”

The Magic Formula – A Cure for Today?

20 Friday Mar 2020

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There is a magic formula that the successful use, specifically and particularly when faced with a challenge that comes at them sideways and out of the blue. Of course, we are faced with such a challenge at the moment, and a lot of people, including members of my family, are feeling the effects of the measures being taken by people to avoid the dreaded lurgy. Which, according to MSWord’s spellcheck, is  a word.

Businesses are laying off people left and right, and given that a lack of custom does tend to thwart a business’ efforts to stay solvent, I can understand this. Of course, said businesses – the less scrupulous – will take the money offered by the government to keep them afloat, while not using it to keep staff in a job. And, of course, if you’ve laid off your staff carefully and before said money becomes available, you can avoid paying them at all. I hope that HMG makes sure that the money they hand out is properly accounted for.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the scale, major grocery retailers are looking at the problems created by ‘now’ and are adjusting their practices to suit.

The major movers, ladies and quintleflick (not a word), are applying the formula.

Unfortunately, as the majority of us are not educated in leadership and management, a lot of people aren’t applying it. If only they knew what it was. Of course, while all clever kids know that x= minus b times the square root of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a, they aren’t taught this formula in school. And it could save a lot of stress.

The formula is E+R=O.*

E is the Event. This is the thing that happens to us or, as one of my participants forced me to decide, the situation in which we find ourselves. (That covered people born with disabilities –  they didn’t ‘happen’, their situation just ‘was’.) The Event is something outside of your control. You didn’t plan it, plan for it, expect it and probably didn’t anticipate the possibility. Cue a pandemic caused by eating a bat, allegedly.

R is the Response. It’s what you do about what’s happened, and that includes how you decide to feel about what’s happened. Excitement, despair, challenge – all reactions that are up to you. Maybe not in the first instance, but at least after you’ve paused to think about them.

O is the Outcome. The Outcome is what you want to have happened at the end of it all.

E is unchangeable. That being the case, the only way to change the value of O is entirely within the Response provided to E. Your Outcome is wholly dependant on the quality and thinking behind your Response to E.

The question is – is your Response wholly based in fear, or is it considered, thoughtful and ecological? Is it self-serving or will it serve us all? Is it destructive and aimed solely at self-preservation, or is it a unique answer to a problem? An answer the like of which gets written about in leadership and management literature next year?

Yes, folks. You Response to what is happening to you today could be so imaginative that you find yourself being immortalised in print. It could make you proud, or ashamed. Or just content, which is just enough for your integrity to remain intact.

Or you could just be a selfish tw4t. Your choice.

Businesses – the people you’re sacking, you’ll want back in three or four months. Treat them well and they will come. Treat them badly, and see whether all your selfish efforts backfire.

Have a good weekend, folks.

 

*From an idea by Dr Robert Resnick, as publicised in The Success Principles’ by Jack Canfield, but also the result of Habit One – Be Proactive, by Stephen Covey.

The Philosophy of Armitage-Shanks.

06 Wednesday Nov 2019

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In my ‘smallest room’, I like to keep a book handy for those longer visits where I can fill my mind while emptying other parts. As you may have surmised from the tone and content of my posts, I don’t like wasting time, and as my income and laziness have not yet stretched to having a door-mounted TV in there, reading is a great substitute.

Today, rather self-indulgently, I selected an old copy of The Seven Habits Workbook, something I buy from time to time to reinvigorate myself with some self-analysis. (I never seem to get to the bit on interpersonal communication, for some reason. Maybe that’s why I never listen.)

In the first pages, the book asks the reader to explore an event where their paradigms were changed because their first impressions were realigned when new information came to their notice.

My favourite example was the day I challenged some kids for throwing litter. Local shops suffered from youths ‘hanging around’ which resulted in repeated calls to police, which in that capacity I used to attend. Off duty one day, I was walking past a small group of teens when I heard a can hit the floor. I challenged the youths to pick it, probably quite brusquely, and they declined the offer. It was only as I stood there facing them down that I realised that the nearby litter bin was overflowing, and it was exceptionally windy.

They hadn’t dropped the can. Nature had.

I realised then, in my own AHA moment, what a paradigm is and how it affects our thinking. It is the way we see things, the lens through which we see and interpret what is happening. And like many lenses, it alters our vision. A lens can correct our vision, or warp it.

Yesterday, a politician was challenged for ‘something he said’. The reports outlined how he had insulted people who died in the Grenfell Tower disaster as ‘lacking common sense’. The funny thing was, he didn’t say that. People with an interest in challenging the politician – and the media, who can never let a fact get in the way of a good story – decided that ‘lacking common sense’ was what he meant.

You can see what he actually said, here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT2z-TtgElU

(You can also look up a previous post from 2016 about The Donald on this site.)

The aim of today’s post is not to tell you what to think. It is to remind you that we ‘think’ through a lens created by our history, our references and our values. And, importantly,  so do others.

Which means that when we are told something by someone else they, too, are telling us through their paradigm of the way they see things – which means that what they are saying may – emphasis may – be based on a misunderstanding, a misinterpretation, or even on mischief.

It’s not always easy to spot, and if you consider that adding our lens to their lens may warp things even further, perhaps the lesson here is to be really careful when starting to espouse your opinions on ‘what just happened’, too.

The other thing I felt about this incident was how our ‘enlightenment’ on matters which should be dealt with ‘sensitively’ (i.e. less than truthfully?) has resulted in a massive increase in tolerance.

“You should be more sensitive, you ignorant fascist bastard!” Irony.

Isn’t it amazing just how thoughtful you become after reading a book when sat with your trousers around your ankles?

And on that image, I’ll let you go. Another toilet metaphor. I could go all day……..

“That’ll do.” Er, no it won’t.

07 Sunday Jan 2018

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In a piece about the American education system and the perception that it was mediocre, Dr Bruce Lockerbie wrote a piece explaining why he thought that this wasn’t so. He listed the students that were taught by teachers who were assisted by support staff assisted by manufacturers, writers and editors who were assisted by policy- and law-makers and money. Each flea had a smaller flea, as they say. Each of those supporters were, or were the responsibility of, individuals. He concluded:

“Schools aren’t mediocre, but some of us who are administrators or teachers, and our students, have been half-hearted about our management, our teaching, their learning. You see, mediocrity is first a personal trait, a personal concession to less than our best, an individual lethargic resignation that says, “I guess good enough is good enough.” Soon, mediocrity metastasises throughout the body politic, causing the nation to be at risk; but always remember – mediocrity begins with ME!”

In the main, we all want to do a great job. We want our performance to be above reproach and our results to reflect the effort we put into our work, our relationships, our very lives. So why is it that we eventually resign ourselves to being and doing less than we are capable of?

We make excuses.

In fairness, those excuses can be quite valid, to some extent. We try hard, bash our heads repeatedly against rules, regulations, other peoples’ objections, obstructions and obfuscation and City Hall, and eventually we are beaten into thinking “I guess good enough is good enough.”*

Occasionally, the availability of time and materiel impact on our efforts and we do the best we can with the time and resources available – which I consider a valid ‘good enough’ – but now feel guilty that we couldn’t do better. In my own line of work, our effectiveness in terms of client service is often frustrated by the clients themselves, who kick off a process and then step back and absolve themselves of further responsibility despite an explicit need for their further involvement.

Sometimes, however, even as we say them silently to ourselves, we know that the excuse we are making is exactly that – a statement designed to excuse a temporary unwillingness to put a piece of ourselves into something which may increase our workload. Sometimes it is because we know that we are metaphorically digging a hole with the sole intention of merely filling it again. We see no conceivable result at the end of our toil, just the toil itself.

I don’t have ‘the’ answer, and I am certainly guilty of having such thoughts from time to time. But I do have ‘an’ answer.

Stephen Covey opined that ‘the enemy of the best is the good’.  Therefore, my advice to you and to me is to just try harder to make the effort to be better than mediocre. It may seem pointless in the moment to strive for a particular outcome, but that striving is a way of learning to do it better, faster, and even cheaper next time. It serves creation of our own system, which in turn can help create a standard that others can follow, to the benefit of all. That’s all Three Resolutions in action.

Why do you think software keeps developing? It’s because someone has discovered, possibly through frustration, that there is a better or more complete way to achieve a digital outcome.

My advice, dear reader, is – don’t be mediocre, be the best you can be all of the time. Or at least try. Even if you don’t quite hit perfection you’ll be a lot closer than you were. And a lot better than ‘good enough’.

A LOT better.

 

*The funny thing is that those people who browbeat and have their own sense of ‘good enough’ for their work expect you to maintain an excellent performance to which they sweetly avoid committing when it comes to their own roles.

Turn Over My New Page

12 Sunday Mar 2017

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Walking my dog along the river is a four-times weekly opportunity to (a) moan about the fact it is supposed to be my son’s dog and (b) listen to audiobooks. Today I was re-listening to David Allen’s ‘Getting Things Done, the time management classic which is one practical alternative or support to the deeper time management advice provided by Hobbs and Covey in their classics on the subject.

Today I was caught by a comment by Allen about values. He suggests that our focus on values, far from being a route to happiness as described by others, is in fact fraught with danger. It is fraught because that values-focus reminds us that we have so much ‘work’ to do in order to comply with our values – which in turn diffuses that focus and makes us feel as if we are going nowhere. He suggests, I suppose (try concentrating when your dog demands attention), that we should focus on tasks and thus comply with the values, rather than try to focus on the values themselves.

To paraphrase:

  1. Covey/Hobbs: Focus on the values and create tasks and goals that fulfil them.
  2. Allen: Focus on the tasks and hope/intend that they fulfil our values, and therefore us.

In one sense, while both have merit, neither is complete (and I believe neither of the authors would argue differently) because regardless of our values, we live in an interdependent world which won’t allow us to ‘only’ do the things that comply with our values. We have to do tons of things that we don’t w ant to do, don’t like and would avoid if we could. These things are usually known as ‘work’ in the professional sense and ‘family commitments’ in the personal sense. (“Oh, another parents’ evening – joy….”)

Which takes me back to my 26th Feb blog entry, which in a way leans slightly towards the Allen perspective. If you can’t design your life around your values – and few can – then you are compelled to identify ways in which the values you have, serve the tasks that are imposed. That way, if you have a job you don’t want to do, at least in doing it you can comply with your values of Service, Excellence, Duty, etc. This means fulfilment even though, in the first instance, you would not have thought fulfilment possible.

However, you can only know you are doing that IF you know what your values ARE. I have created a new page in which I have re-created that portion of my book which tells you how to do that. Take an hour this week to identify your personal values. It’s incredibly informative.

I very dare you.

Having a change of approach, but not a change of philosophy.

10 Saturday Sep 2016

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“Change means that what was before wasn’t perfect. People want things to be better.” Esther Dyson
Epiphany. Defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “a moment of sudden realisation or insight”, and as a religious festival which isn’t quite what I’m looking to emulate. I have been conscious for some time that the terms that Stephen Covey used to describe The Three Resolutions, while profound and appropriate for their time and for his particular approach, may not be the best terms to use in the 21st Century. To an audience of those who need instant understanding and a willingness to participate in what is being communicated, expressions such as ‘self-denial’ and ‘noble purpose’ smack of a monastic approach to life, and that isn’t what The Three Resolutions website is supposed to be.

As from today, while I continue to use The Three Resolutions as my website address (‘cos I paid again for it last week), the tag line is no longer that sourced from Covey. Henceforth the tag line will be a little fresher. Now, it is:

Resolution, Refinement, Results.

If you’ve read my book (now unpublished while I completely review it with this new focus in mind), or the earliest posts when the 3R concept was first put on line, you will be aware that I consider that the 3Rs are a progressive approach to getting results, insofar as self-discipline leads to character and competence leads to serving in a way that benefits us all. That hasn’t changed, only the way I am going to describe it from now on.

Coincidentally, the three words I have now chosen mean the same ‘things’, and happen to fit the 3R logo.*

But make no mistake, the approach is the same –

  • decide what you need to do or stop doing, in order to
  • become the person you want to be with the skills you need to have, all with the objective to
  • ethically go out and make things happen that serves all concerned.

Up the Pyramid of Principled Productivity, so to speak. (Must write that one down. Oh, so I have…)

My focus is now going to be on that review and rewrite, so please watch my @3ResolutionsGuy Twitter feed for interim updates and things develop.

Personal Update Bit

One of my philosophies on life is that service to others does not necessarily have to involve self-sacrifice. It can also include doing something you love doing, in a way that others also benefit. This week I passed my Institute of Advanced Motorists ‘National Observer’ Qualification which will allow me greater opportunities to engage others in enjoying their driving while doing it better, safer and for the particularly adept, faster (but within legal limits, I stress).

And there is absolutely NOTHING in the 3R concept that disallows preening once in a while.

*(That took AGES to work out, finding words that meant discipline, character/competence and service, but which started with the letter R. I have new respect for advertisers……)

 

Serve others – because in doing so you will serve yourself.

06 Saturday Feb 2016

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“A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.” Patricia Neal and Richard DeNeut

I had the pleasure, honour and challenge of presenting a principle-centred leadership programme to a class of young people this week, which makes the above quote a little more appropriate and timely. Years ago I approached the UK arm of the 7 Habits ‘people’ about providing Seven Habits training to schools, and as they’d already thought of it themselves (DUH!) they were piqued by my interest and invited me along to a consultation on the subject. Much later I was able to fund and provide a full 7 Habits for Teens programme at a local school, and after a lot of other opportunities came my way I am now able to provide such training on a more formal basis.

When I first started following the 7 Habits, which was as a result of reading First Things First and being enthralled and inspired by the approach to principle centred living, one of the most impactive thoughts I had was, “Why wasn’t I taught this in schools?” As a (then) 35-year-old having a bit of a crisis, and coming through it because of what I had read and applied, I was almost embittered by the fact that I had learned this ‘stuff’ 17 years too late. In fairness, as it had only just become well-known since the publication of the book when I was 28 this was not entirely society’s fault.

But now this kind of training CAN be taught to schools throughout the world, and specifically in the UK, I would ask any of you involved in education to look at the site through which more details can be found, namely, http://www.learninganddevelopmentacademy.com .

Engaging young people and telling them that what society, their environment and their past tells them may not be true and that they are able to control, plan, prepare for and execute on their own destiny is immensely noble. Yes, my Third Resolution is being executed on by my providing this service to teenagers and their teachers, and at the same time this provision allows me to reinforce my own (usually poor) performance in this area.

We learn most what we teach. The more I teach this material the better I get, not only as an individual but as a teacher.

What do you do that teaches you as you serve? What sort of person have you become – or could you become – as a result of discovering your own noble purpose and serving others in a way that simultaneously serves you?

Find out. Then do it. It’d amazingly developmental.

 

For more on the Third Resolution, invest in The Three Resolutions at Amazon. Or get the Kindle version HERE.

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Establish a Planning Process – here’s mine.

30 Monday Nov 2015

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Why plan weekly?

It’s difficult to prescribe any particular time frame for planning because so many of us have different working lives, from those whose work is set for them to those who have to seek it out and sell it, and whose planning is therefore dictated to a larger degree by what arises rather than what was set in advance. The reason I chose the weekly approach was because I was a shift worker, with varying start and finish times, and things that had to be done being constantly interrupted by emergencies, the curse of the emergency services, which in turn gave rise to more new things that had to be done. I also chose it because I read First Things First by Stephen Covey, who proposed that it wasn’t ‘the week’ that was inherently magic, it was the perspective of a week that changed one’s approach from one of managing crises on a daily basis to looking at a week in the whole and planning not only for an appointment but also for the preparation for that appointment. Planning a week turned life from a collection of last minute, almost panicked activity conducted during breakfast, to the creation and recognition of a blueprint for the week that allowed for a gentler introduction to any day.

Other rationales for choosing a weekly approach is because the world works in weeks – schools, offices, factories – the vast majority of the working world works in week cycles and so there is a logical basis for us to do the same. Next, daily focus tends to result in constant readjustment around what is right in front of us rather than our ultimate objectives – interruptions rule, and we let them. Having a wider perspective allows for focus ON that longer term plan. And that includes planning renewal time, time for reading, study, exercise and social-emotional activity where we focus on relationships with ourselves, and with others.

Once you accept that planning a week is better than coping with a day, it makes sense that you should establish a calm routine for doing just that. So the first appointment to make is one with yourself, before the week begins or, if you prefer and I occasionally did, at the end of the week where the work you recognise needs to be done remains fresh in your mind because you are still slightly engaged in it. But try and establish a routine time and day when your planning will be done.

You may have a preference for a particular planning tool. Many people have several, but the wisdom suggests that having one tool into which all tasks, appointments, notes and contacts should be placed. This system – for it is intended to be a system – is intended to be a one-stop shop for listing the things you have to do, the details of those with or for whom you do them, the appointments you have to attend, and the primary notations that arise, which can be properly filed later. I prefer a paper system but many prefer electronic. The only emphasis to be made here is that whichever you use, the objective is to keep all four of the TANC in one place as much as possible. Many CEOs who followed the popularity of the electronic route reverted to paper and claimed an improved sense of awareness of what was going on, as if the electronic planner had taken over whereas the paper version put them back in charge. For me, the main rationale for using paper is that it’s portable, whereas some ITC systems just aren’t. They can sync, so if you insist on electronic then try and make all tools compatible so that an entry in one automatically gets created in another. Multiple diaries or repositories allows for greater potential for clashes and omissions. (Cloud? As secure as any open bag on a bus.)

And so to the Planning Process, illustrated on the screen.

First, connect to Mission. Regardless of whether or not you like that term, those of us involved in coaching and personal development training will be aware that clients who have a long term, even life plan tend to be grounded and have an idea of where they are going in life. Kerry spoke of vision statements a couple of weeks ago and I encourage anyone who doesn’t have a mission statement, or vision statement, or at the very least a clearly set out and defined personal values, should set out and discover that code of conduct and identify a life objective – because everything you do should in some way be a reflection of that statement as far as humanly possible, if you are to feel any sense of inner peace and achievement.

Therefore the first task in weekly planning is to review and re-engage with that mission and remind yourself what you are about.

Next, consider your roles. We all have roles, and if you were to ask the average client for a role the first one they identified would almost invariably be their job title. But we all have other roles related to family (son, daughter, spouse, parent); our community (volunteer, contributor); our professions (union, professional associations) and so on. The reason we consider roles is because they provide a context to the planning – we have things to do in each role that need to be part of the plan.

Another reason for considering your roles is because roles invariably involve other people, and this is important – we manage our time only in the context of the relationships we have with the people we live with. When you make a plan you take into account the needs, wishes and even the availability of those people. Doing this on a daily basis means you inadvertently make your crisis their crisis. How rude is that? Planning on a weekly basis allows them to be as prepared as you are for whatever it is you need to work on together.

Third – ask yourself, ‘what goals do I have to achieve in each role in the next 7 days?’ Write them down because the objective is to make sure that those things get progressed. This is an opportunity to make sure, for example, that a family goal is catered for even when work is pressing. By knowing in advance what needs to be done, you increase the likelihood that it will get done.

Fourth – set out the plan. Most time management texts instruct the reader to make a list of the things they have to do that day, and then prioritise those tasks using an ABC, 123 method. They call this ‘Prioritising Your Schedule’, listing tasks in the order that they need to be done. The weekly process has a different focus – it’s called Scheduling Your Priorities. You have your goals, and by virtue of the fact that they ARE goals and they (should) be representative of your priorities – or they wouldn’t BE goals – then they are ALL priorities. So the weekly process states – plan a point in the week where you will do the thing that you consider to be important. Subject to ‘life’ getting in the way, decide when, in the week, you will do that thing. Appointments are obvious; their place in the plan is already set. But here’s another mind blower – when you have a prioritised task to do, why not plan an appointment with yourself? You may have a goal to write a letter to Fred, and you put it on a to-do list. At the end of the week, Fred’s letter remains undone. But if you take that task and turn it into an appointment – say for 3pm on Thursday – what are the increased chances that by 3pm on Thursday you will be sat at your desk with the letter’s content firmly in mind?

The fifth part of the system is the hard part. Exercise integrity in the moment of choice. As the cliché says, this is where the rubber meets the road. It’s the point where your willingness to do the thing is challenged, be it by fear, doubt, laziness, ennui, boredom, diverted attention or other distraction – and you have to decide whether, or not, you are going to do it. Integrity requires only that you decide whether doing it as intended is the right thing to do, or whether the thing that is challenging your willingness to do it is a genuine, mission-related and justified alternative to what you had planned. For example – your plan involves making 10 cold calls about keynotes. If an opportunity to go shopping with a friend arises, your integrity dictates which you do. If it’s a neighbour who suggests food shopping, what do you do? If it’s a friend you haven’t seen for 15 years and who is in the area only that day, what do you do? Integrity allows for genuine plan changes, but does not permit procrastination!

Finally, at the end of the week and just before planning the next one, you conduct a quick Evaluation. How did the past week go? Did you achieve what you intended? If not, did you act with integrity? If not, was what you didn’t do really mission-orientated anyway? Or can it be rescheduled for the next week? What didn’t you do that still needs to be done? What can reasonably be dumped? What challenges did you overcome? Did you break any promises, under perform, or excel in any way? In the final analysis – what did you learn?  And next week – how will you apply what you learned?

In conclusion: What is the underlying benefit of weekly planning? It is the possession of a clear line of sight from what you believe is important to you – your mission – to a personally created, focused plan of action, to the exercise of integrity that develops the character that results in that mission being achieved. It overcomes the challenges created by trying to plan day by day, when doing so is fraught with the ever-present reality that something will get in your way, something unplanned. When you have a longer term plan you plant the intent to see it through, and when challenged, its very existence – and your emotional commitment to seeing it through – will make sure that you find a way to get things done.

For  more on creating and using a paper planning system, go to THIS PAGE and download a FREE copy of the book.

A Reminder of What This Site is All About. For me as well as for you.

22 Sunday Nov 2015

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‘The Three Resolutions’ describe how making three commitments can make quantum improvements in an individual’s life, specifically in three areas. The areas are the physical self in terms of the wellbeing of the body; the ‘mental’ self in terms of character and competence; and the spiritual self in terms of contribution and service to others. The commitments to be made are to overcome appetites and passions through the application of self-discipline and self-denial; to overcome pretentions and pride through becoming a person of good character, and of great professional competence; and to overcome unbridled ambition and aspiration through a focus outside oneself.

When I started this site I publicly committed to a set of rules, values and a personal mission statement that reflected those headings. In many ways I succeeded in executing to a degree, but I felt that I wasn’t as compliant with my intentions as I could or should have been. Asking myself why, and considering the self-generated feedback that resulted, I concluded that there were four reasons why I, and many others, don’t feel as though our level of compliance with our mission statements is as high as we would like.

This realisation led me to consider the reasons for this, and how we could go about addressing the gap between desire and execution in living our personal mission statement; or, for the purposes of this article, living The Way©.

One day, while listening to Stephen Covey’s “How to Develop and Use a Personal Mission Statement” audio, I was struck by ‘the glaringly obvious’. As he spoke about how creation and execution of a personal mission statement can direct us towards what we ultimately want, but towards getting what we want in the way it should be ‘got’ rather than through false or foul means, I concluded that there is only one true route to personal success. It’s a straightforward formula of four phrases. They are:

  •  Find the Way
  • Learn the Way
  • Live the Way
  • Teach the Way

These four phrases systematically summarise a strategy for living. The system reflects the identification, learning and application process, that process which we all undertake when learning to live, to work, to earn, to relate to others, to manage – everything. They embody all the skills we need to have and to demonstrate in our efforts to live ‘properly’. They also reflect those areas where, if we are not careful, we will act badly.

This system parallels any development process undertaken anywhere, by anyone, for any purpose. It is how a professional learns; it is how a religion becomes ingrained into an adherent to that religion; it is how a family member learns to become a contributor to that family. The reason that such a system works is because it is neutral. It is a principle in action. It is the principle of progression, of starting out as a novice with the aim of becoming a master – if mastery is sought.

I believe that the route to living your Way is taken through these four steps. The steps are progressive and they involve properly and fully identifying the Way, studying in greater detail about how the Way can be executed, then living in such a fashion as to clearly be in congruence with the Way, and finally to reinforce your Way be teaching it.

In brief, the four elements of The Way are expanded thus:

Find the Way. To quote Covey, the first challenges we face when deciding The Way is that we are not sure who we are, and where we want to go. The first task is therefore to decide what values you have or want to have, the associated behaviours you believe will help you comply with those values, and writing them down so that you, yourself, clearly understand them.

Learn the Way. The second challenge, once we have put our fingers on who we want to be and where we want to go, is to learn how to do so. It is about studying and committing to the behaviours that serve execution of The Way.

Live the Way. Having overcome the first two challenges, there remain still further challenges to living the Way.

The first is that we do not realise that we are compliant because we don’t feel as though we are ‘doing’ our mission all of the time. Life gets in our way in the sense that it is hard to consider yourself carrying out your mission when you are filling the dishwasher. Life is full of little routines that have to be done but aren’t, well, exciting.

The second reason for ineffective application of The Way that we have identified is inextricably linked to the first. As our lives are littered with unexciting, routine, non-mission projects, tasks and other activities, we fail to properly and routinely recognise opportunities to execute on our missions. For example, part of my own mission is to be patient with others. Imagine a day cluttered with runs to the shops, commuting in traffic jams, banking and managing money – then something jumps at you and interrupts you and in that second you react impatiently, because you haven’t seen, in the clutter, that opportunity to be what you want to be. The third step is to identify and overcome the challenges and live The Way – the way that you want to.

Teach the Way. And one way of living The Way is to spend a lot of time teaching it. Stephen Covey counselled participants at his many events that the best way to learn something is to teach it to others. He would ‘volunteer’ random attendees and tell them he was about to teach something that they would have to repeat to other participants. Then he would point out to those others that his ‘volunteers’ had just pricked up their ears and picked up their pens – they were now listening because they knew they had to understand what they were about to teach.

That, therefore, is what this site is about. Providing articles and suggestions to help you get what you want, to the level you want, in a principled way. To help you find your Way.

Go to it.

The 4 Human Needs and The Third Resolution.

16 Saturday May 2015

Posted by in Purpose and Service

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“The four human needs are to live, to love, to learn, and to leave a legacy.” Stephen R Covey

Contrary to all ex-servicemen and ex-police officers basic instincts I volunteered again this week, to serve an association to which I am, er, associated. Why, I don’t hear you ask.

Humans have four needs, as proposed by Stephen Covey. (Tony Robbins identified 6 but they’re encompassed by Covey’s 4.) When all 4 needs are met, you hit a sweet spot, as illustrated.

4HN

As shown above, the needs are:

  • to live (physical, survival, economic needs),
  • to love (social-emotional, connection needs),
  • to learn (mental, growth needs), and
  • to leave a legacy (meaning need).

Let’s focus on that last one for a moment.

The Third Resolution states “To overcome the restraining forces of unbridled aspiration and ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purposes and to provide service to others.”

This isn’t a call to action by someone seeking your blind obedience. If you to choose to accept it, it is your personal declaration of, and commitment to act upon your own conscience-driven acceptance that in order to have some meaning in your life, you have to (and must want to) provide service to others.

It is a spiritual need, a need to not just be good, but to be good for something, something outside of ourselves. While an egotist may be satisfied with a headstone that says, “See, I told you I was great,” the rest of us would like to have been appreciated by someone for having done something that they remember affected them positively. Even the statement, “Beloved father/mother/brother/friend” shows an appreciation for who we were in respect of others, and what we meant to them.

That is why charities exist. They exist so that those involved can serve others. The same applies to professional associations, even to political parties – until they get a bit self-focused, but that’s another blog. Several, in fact. (Oddly, competing charities, parties and associations often exist because of the egos of the competing parties who want the charity run ‘their way’, rather than just serving the other. Why else is Help the Heroes now competing with umpteen other charities?)

So, as conscience-driven commitment to, and in compliance with the Third Resolution, it is our responsibility to find opportunities to serve. My own recommendation is that you serve family first, and then those organisations to which you are connected and which, if you think about it, have already served you. That can mean communities, charities, professional associations, you name it.

Anyway, that’s what I’m doing. Next, I get to find out what I have actually let myself in for.

Just a second!

15 Friday May 2015

Posted by in Character and Competence, Time Management

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“I work hard each day to bring my performance into congruence with my Unifying Principles.” Me

And here’s a short list of the challenges (excuses?) that face us when we try to do that.

Social pressure – when those around us either doubt we can do it and say so out loud, or when they actively denounce your values and attack you for having them.

Distraction – in an age of immediacy through technology it is easy to be pulled away from a desired intent in the moment.

Influence – when the interests of other parties (particularly when they have power through wealth, the media (my favourite) or strength), are pushed at you constantly in an effort to drive your emotions where they want them to go and not where you need them to go.

Confidence – or more accurately a lack of self-confidence arising in the instant you need confidence the most.

Convenience – when the easier option shouts loudest.

There are probably lots more you can think about, perhaps the ones that affect you most in your own circumstances. But there’s an answer. Stephen Covey’s original 6-step weekly planning process (later slightly watered down for simplicity) included this step. It’s a simple phrase to remember, and it goes like this:

Exercise Integrity In The Moment Of Choice.

It simply means taking a moment to proactively make the better decision, a personal values-based and conscience-driven choice, the one that says:

“I will exercise, I love rain.”
“I won’t beep that idiot driver.” (Or ram him….)
“I won’t buy that burger, I’ll have the salad.”
“I won’t argue with my beloved.”
“I will write that letter/make that call/stretch myself/etc.”

It literally takes a second. The most effective ‘time management’ second you ever spend.

Not easy. In fact, quite difficult on occasion. But eminently effective and productive. And in the end, incredibly satisfying.

K

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