Tag Archives: self-discipline

You CAN Give Up – But There’s One Condition.

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Jordan Peterson is a Canadian Professor of Psychology, known around the world for his right-of-centre views on the steady creep of authoritarianism that is intended to dictate to people how they should speak. That is why he became famous – he spoke to his government to say that there was a huge ideological difference between directing what people should NOT be allowed to say (genuine hate-speech) and directing what people HAD to say, e.g. enforced gender pronouns. You can have your own views on that, but rest assured I will not be TOLD what to say. You can ask nicely, and I’ll do my best to comply, but I refuse to apologise if I inadvertently ‘misgender’ someone based on several million years of evolution and 60 years of hitherto reliable guesses.

But he is also, as indicated, an expert on human behaviour, and in an interview on YouTube (and nearly everything he’s ever said is on YouTube so don’t second guess what you think may have he said, he’ll rip your argument apart) he made this interesting comment when discussing how people are so easily swayed from the disciplined path. You know, when one more cigarette/pasty/drink etc. won’t matter, or ‘it’s too hard to keep pursuing this goal’. We’ve all been there.

He said, “You can change direction if you want – as long as the new road is equally or more difficult.”

I can’t say I’d ever given that idea too much thought, before. But it’s a great piece of advice. It reflects the reality that, sometimes, the path you’ve chosen for yourself isn’t necessarily the right one. Many would give up, but Peterson counsels not giving up, but redirecting the same or greater level of effort towards a properly considered, alternative route to the success you sought, or even a new definition of success.

To use a poor analogy based on personal experience, I used to be a runner and did a couple of half marathons, but about 5 years ago my knees started grumbling. Friends introduced me to road cycling, and I recovered a level of fitness I hadn’t experienced for a while. Now, that is an accidental example of ‘changing direction but applying the same level of discipline’ to achieve a similar goal – physical fitness.

What have you been chasing, but no longer ‘love’? Were you on a particular career path that you now question? For example, and again based on what I saw in the organisation I worked for, have you been desperately seeking upward promotion and ignored potentially rewarding sideways development – less pay but a greater sense of contribution, achievement and purpose? To do either takes discipline, but they may also require similar mental and academic approaches which are just as difficult to travel, yet more satisfying.

In the same interview, the interviewer spoke of a friend who’d retired from some enterprise and initially enjoyed retirement, but realised he was getting bored. He made an astute observation with which I sympathise. He said, “I miss being good at something.”

You don’t only have upward, better paid options available. You have specialisation options, academic options, different job options – lots of options. And when you choose the option that works best for you, you discover the pleasure of being good at something.

What could that be? Apply self-discipline, and go and get that.

For more on this subject, buy The Three Resolutions in paperback or Kindle HERE at Amazon.co.uk .

What to consider when what you're doing isn't working as well as you'd hoped.

A Badge That Makes You Skinny. Honest.

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The greatest writers on time management all agree – plan weekly, adapt daily. I subscribe to that ideal and do my planning on each Friday, but don’t worry – this post isn’t about time management. (That’s my other blog at https://policetimemanagement.com )

No, this blog being about The Three Resolutions, my focus this morning is about how ‘weekly’ doesn’t cut it for so many of us. A weekly review of our commitments and plans isn’t enough if, like me, you’re not as disciplined as you’d like to be. Recommitment every Sunday morning isn’t enough for us just as much as it isn’t (really) enough for churchgoers who are all pious from 11am to midday, and then go for a beer and heavy Sunday dinner in a pub.

Nope. I’m afraid for those of us still striving to become what we have concluded is ‘our best’ once a week may not be sufficient for our needs. We need to remind ourselves on a daily basis what it is we are about, what we are for. For those of us who really struggle, we may have to recommit every time we pass a temptation – like the fridge.

Having your values/mission/plan as a handy reference is, well, handy. In fact, having it to hand can be a literal requirement. An ‘in-yer-face’ representation and reminder could be key to keeping you on your set path. It’s not absolutely reliable – it takes personal proactivity to actually comply – but having the reminder present is certainly helpful. It reminds you of the guilt you’re going to feel when you don’t act in accordance with the values you set yourself.

In my ‘other’ book, ‘The Way: Integrity on Purpose’, I promote the analysis of personal values and the creation of a personal mission statement in much greater depth than revealed in The Three Resolutions book. I also discuss iconography. (See also Dan Brown and his ‘Robert Langdon’ novels.)

What’s that got to do with the price of eggs?

I’m a bit OTT. I have my ‘mission compliance reminders’ on the screensaver of my mobile phone and in the front of my planning system, but I’ve also had badges made, badges that I wear on at least one piece of clothing (coat or hat) that remind me I’m a frequent failure. 😊 Surprisingly cheap to obtain, given they’re custom designed. (£14 for 14 2 ½ inch metal badges from Awesome Merchandise, free plug).

You see, I’m trying to create a kind of obligation to act in accordance with the motto/philosophy that these badges represent. You might think that’s a bit weird, but there you sit in your football club’s shirt, or a branded shirt that just advertises someone else’s mission. Think about that. You paid more for your shirt than I paid for my badges, and you’re reinforcing and funding someone else’s mission. Duh!

Have you explored your personal values? Have you a personal mission statement or stated, written ‘constitution’? If so, great. If not, do the exercises that create them.

Then think of a way to reinforce your integrity, and if that means designing your own logo, get to it and get compliant. Identify with and confess to the meaning behind your logo – it is your personal brand iconogrified (new word © ).

Then look at it every time you fancy another emergency pasty, and see if that makes you skinny.

(Click on the links in the article to see the books that give rise to and expand upon this wisdom.)

The Daily Win.

14 Thursday Jan 2021

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I’ve said it before, so I’ll say it again. All those Californian, rich(ish) personal development speakers and writers and their ‘Rise at 5AM and exercise’ freaks are invited to come and live where I do in South Wales, where it’s easier to pick up the dog eggs in the garden at 6AM because they’re rock hard with ice. Where the idea of a home gym is fine if you live with a spare room big enough for a running machine or static bike, said room being centrally heated to at least ‘bearable’ for that early effort. And where going to bed early so as to get a decent kip before getting up at 5AM isn’t easy because the road and neighbours aren’t 100 yards away and are living their noisy lives while you try to drop off. And fitness clubs remain an expensive luxury.

Which is not to say that exercising is impossible. So far this calendar year, with the exception of the 1st and the 9th, I have exercised daily. Furthermore, with two exceptions, I have done so as soon as I got out of bed. Which, lucky me, is 7.30AM because I ain’t got a proper job.

I have a spin bike, a relatively inexpensive yet reliable (3 years so far) model. I have a mount (thank you Santa) for a 7” tablet through which I watch YouTube videos which inform, entertain or anger depending on the day’s choice. And a garden shed to put it in. There simply is no room in the main dwelling. You see, I am not a financial success like all those 5AM loonies. I am a moderate professional success on that I have always been employed doing work I enjoy, on the public purse in their service. So none of that ‘earn twice as much, work half as hard’ twaddle that Brian Tracy and Jack Canfield promote – which is valid for the entrepreneur or commission-paid individual but not the vast majority of us. If I wanted to earn twice as much as a copper I’d have had to work 76 hour weeks AND ask permission, first.

Each of us loves in his or her own circumstances, which do not necessarily reflect those described by such writers. Some do. Lucky them.

Back to me.

What gets me out of bed at 7.30AM, or more specifically onto the bike at 7.40AM, is The First Resolution. ‘To overcome the restraining forces of appetites and passions, I resolve to work on self-discipline and self-denial.’ I don’t want to ride a bike first, but it would be rude of a promoter of such a concept not to try. So that’s what gets me up. My Integrity. Doing the things I don’t like to do because (a) they serve me and (b) I said I would. If only to myself.

I should also be up front and state that it doesn’t work every day. If I don’t sleep well I’d make the next day worse, not better, if I self-flagellated with exercise before starting work. (I can always exercise afterwards, if I feel up to it.) But here, the point isn’t to apply self-discipline to the point of self-punishment. That’s a route to failure.

But I will also add that doing that exercise first, and educating myself while I do so, sets me up for the day exactly as Stephen Covey promotes in his books. He calls it the Daily Private Victory and to be fair, that’s as good a description of that process as any. It is (as he also puts it) mind over mattress. Long term gain over short term discomfort. Many cliches, all accurate.

I get up. I go out into the cold shed and exercise.

I win. The rest of the day is a breeze.

So much so, this took 15 minutes to write. In the flow. And with integrity – nothing I write is a lie to myself or to my reader. Whoever you are.

Be disciplined. But be disciplined early. Ish.

Must try harder…..

05 Wednesday Feb 2020

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Why do I focus this blog on time management when I have written a better book on personal development? Good question.

In total, I have written four books. The first two were related to my profession, specifically investigation and, as a sub-genre, Tracing Wanted and Missing Persons. They were based on my training and experiences and the latter was a field in which I excelled locally, according to some of my peers. They were fairly easy to research and to write.

The third one that I wrote was on time management, you would not be surprised to read. It focused on the field of policing because no-one teaches police officers and staff how to manage their time, despite recommendations by the Home Office that they ought to. Also, easy to write, and just as valid for non-police officers (for whom I recently edited out police references, but then I changed my mind and edited it back.).

The last, which I am currently revising, is The Three Resolutions. This is a personal development ‘philosophy’ based on a single chapter in one of Stephen Covey’s works and one which I am proud of. But here’s the thing, and it’s the reason I don’t blog so much about it – until now, perhaps.

That reason is – the advice in it is the hardest with which to comply.

Personal development has its easy tricks and shortcuts, like any activity, but applying the content of The Three Resolutions is hard. It’s hard because it speaks of self-discipline. It’s hard because it requires character. It’s hard because it promotes service to others as a route to success. Even for the bloke what wrote it. Especially for the bloke what wrote it.

Sometimes I think that the standards that are the hardest to meet are – our own.

When others lay down standards they usually supplement their instructions with ‘how’ to comply. When we write our own we just assume we know how to comply.

When others set standards, they watch over us and enforce compliance. When we set our own standards, only we watch over them.

When we fail to meet others’ standards, there is a consequence. When we fail to meet our own, we rationalise that there are no consequences.

But we’re wrong. So, so wrong.

When we fail to meet our own standards we feel guilt. Conscience, which we told to tell us when we fail to act according to our own values, reminds us when we dither and procrastinate over what we agreed, with ourselves, was ‘best’.

All that said, the reasons I wrote The Three Resolutions are twofold. First, I liked the field and the best way to learn something is to teach it. But second, and maybe more important, was the desire to act in accordance with the contents.

I regularly fail, but at the same time I occasionally succeed. Those are the great days. The ones where I don’t quite make it – still great, because I try.

You can decide not to bother to be great, so all days will be mediocre but satisfying because you’ve achieved ‘average’. But I prefer to at least try.

Where are you on the ‘don’t care – trying a bit – trying hard’ continuum? Join me at this end…….

 

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The easiest thing to make in the world. Excuses. I claim patent……

22 Monday Feb 2016

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It’s been one of those days. I had a plan, and I intended to keep to it. Then something ‘important and urgent’ came up, which justified the distracted attention that it received. Not to mention the urgent, new email thread that warranted immediate responses.

But then all those other things that were waiting for my focus started shouting at me, including responsibility for walking the dog I dearly love, which I didn’t want, and which I bought for the son who has now got full time work and studies.

Once that was done it really felt that the working day was over. I still had some things left on my ‘to do list’ – and the fresh, new recipe, updated and richly wrapped packet of ‘Excuso’ was nearly opened. I considered three helpings:

“There are only 8 hours left before bedtime and I need to rest.”

“That task can wait for tomorrow – it’ll still get completed ‘just in time’.”

“Another day without exercising won’t matter all that much, will it?”

Thank goodness for the ever-present, “in my planner, on my phone, secured to my wrist and wrapped around my neck” reminders that I have a Personal Mission Statement, one that requires and urges action towards completion those self-designed, values-driven responsibilities that I placed on myself.

I may never get everything done that needs to be done. But I am a lot closer to coming through on the commitments I make to myself (and often to others) because of that document, a document to which I regularly discover myself referring.

This week it even surprised me. I had a commitment to run, in keeping with my Running Programme. Owing to injury I have had to ease back to a level lower than that at which I ran the Baker2Vegas Relay (nearly 12 months ago!), and the programme said ’20 minutes’. That day I reviewed the PMS and came up with the new Latin heading and tagline you would now see on this page, as a result of which I popped out and ran 4.5 miles/40 minutes. Double the intention. And I did the same the next day, which was supposed to be a rest day.

The Personal Mission Statement. A document which occasionally inspires, always instructs, and occasionally brow-beats.

Whatever works.

It’s about time you had one, don’t you think?

For advice on how to write your PMS, buy The Three Resolutions at Amazon.

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Discipline leads to business greatness – ask Jim Collins.

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

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Freedom is only part of the story and half the truth…. That is why I recommend the Statue of Liberty be supplanted by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast.” Victor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning)

At the moment I am considering the focused application of The Three Resolutions to business and young people, and part of the research includes reading of that classic on successful business, “Good to Great” by Jim Collins – that’s where I saw the Frankl quote and, like many I use, it struck a chord.

I’ve written before about how responsibility is an essential counter-weight to freedom, so won’t labour that point. The reason for this entry is the study of the chapter in Collins’ book which is headed by that quote.

It is about how important the application of discipline is within a successful company, but with the caveat that it is not system-, management- or hierarchy- imposed discipline that has made the difference in the ‘great’ companies. No, the success relates to self-discipline of the staff.

Very briefly, Collins discovered that great companies (defined as monumentally more successful than comparator companies, and over a sustained period) did a few things others didn’t, including getting the ‘right people on the bus’, deciding the vision AFTER doing that, then focussing on what the company could be best at (and ignoring what it could not).*

One point Collins made is that the discipline wasn’t something injected at the 4th point on his Greatness Process Diagram. It was something that already existed at each point.

The right people on the bus showed discipline. Finding the right vision required discipline. Deciding on, and focusing on the core business required discipline. And execution required discipline.

Discipline is an essential in all activity, indiscipline undermines your efforts. Freedom is a great thing to have, but it requires discipline if you are truly going to enjoy it. We expect discipline in those who serve us, so absolving ourselves of the duty to be disciplined (e.g. ‘because we have earned it’) is selfish, arrogant, irresponsible and disrespectful.

Referring back to Collins’ example, the great companies did not impose discipline, they employed disciplined people who had the freedom to work (in a disciplined way) within and around the business’s systems so that the objectives could be properly achieved. Those disciplined people designed the systems but weren’t then confined by them. They were guided, yes, but not tied down.

I often bemoaned the way that organisations I worked with placed the system over and above the purpose – I used the expression ‘process at the expense of purpose’ because of the times I perceived that a success was criticised because a procedure wasn’t followed to the letter – e.g. finding a missing child instead of filling out the forms first. Collins’ suggestion is that the objective is paramount (provided it is ethical, of course) and if a process prevents it, it is the process that is wrong, not the objective, and the authority of the disciplined manager was such that s/he could work outside the procedural box to get things done without having to spend time worrying about the administrative consequence.

But the emphatic point was always – discipline made it possible. Self-discipline, then systematic discipline, and then execution discipline. But in the final analysis, given the ability to work imaginatively – it was self-discipline that mattered most.

See. I told you so.

*I’m still reading it, that’s as far as I’ve got so far. But why wait?

Stop making excuses, you! (Meaning me.)

06 Saturday Jun 2015

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Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People; Restoring the Character Ethic”* was once asked how he was getting on with his own compliance with ‘his’ philosophy. His reply probably astounded the interviewer.

“I’ve made a good start.”

The interviewer probably couldn’t immediately understand that answer – Stephen had written the book, after all. Why wasn’t he compliant?

I don’t know what his answer to such a question would be, but the last couple of weeks have identified my own. Since I came back from the USA I have gained a bit more weight than I find acceptable because I am eating too much, or the wrong things. A couple of family celebrations impacted that but there’s no excuse – I’ve reverted to the old me and I have not been observant of that part of my PMS that deals with self-discipline (and self-denial).

Occasionally this is because life gets in the way, for example when there are a multitude of social events piled up together, which makes it easier to justify (rational-lies) the inability to remain disciplined. But that’s no excuse – it’s time to lose that weight and keep it off properly.

I have discovered that my ability to focus has warped over the last few years, the unfortunate influence of time off times accessibility of social media – the paradox being that social media is now a business essential!

I have just become involved in a new business venture, early days, and I do find that my ability to study has been influenced by that loss of focus – instead of dedicating hours to study I’m only managing an hour at a time. No problem, I’m getting there but I need to reprioritise and do other things at better times. (I discovered that the ability to do stuff in gaps ‘at work’ is less attractive when you are the one paying yourself. Instead of shopping when the mood takes me, I need to shop AFTER the priority stuff has been completed!)

Do you experience these things? Scattered focus instead of meaningful concentration? The influence of ‘life’ over the ‘life plan’? If so – welcome to LIFE!

That is possibly what Dr Covey experienced when he said he’d made a good start. Life got in the way, and occasionally it was right to let it do so.

But not all the time.

Anyway, as a permanent reminder I now have the Three Resolutions as my mobile telephone cover:

Phone Blog

Every time I pick it up I get the Resolutions, then the “First Resolution” part of my PMS on the screen. I have no excuse. Even when life calls me on the phone my PMS will be in my face.

R1

If you have a reasonable sized PMS you can get a mobile telephone cover and have the PMS added. It’s a conversation point!

*The Character Ethic is the reason I detest ‘celeb’ TV. If only more of them had Character as well as personalities……

You CAN tell the future.

20 Saturday Dec 2014

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“We are free to choose our actions, but we are not free to choose the consequences of these actions.” Stephen R Covey

And that quote is the fundamental rationale for the imposition of self-discipline and self-denial.

The facts are: if we eat too much and do not move much, we gain weight. We can ‘positive mind attitude’ otherwise all we like, we will get fatter. We can treat people with disrespect and optimistically expect them to respect our motives and authority, but they will eventually move on and leave us adrift in a mess of our own construction. We can flog an engine to death and not maintain it, and it will break down. Consequences just ‘are’.

But the beauty of principles is that we can anticipate consequences and adjust our behaviour accordingly. We may perceive a period at work where we won’t be able to exercise as much as we normally do, and reduce our calorific intake accordingly. In a moment of anger we can want to say something pithy, witty and sarcastic, but choose, instead, to shut up. We can maintain an engine through periodic maintenance.

Self-discipline lets us apply principles to ourselves in such a way as to almost guarantee that the consequences will be of our choosing, and not that of fate.

Principles always apply.

My Own Mission Statement

04 Sunday May 2014

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Just occurred to me that you need to see it to judge my performance against it. It reads:

Discipline ~ Character ~ Service

I exercise self-discipline and self-denial, exercising Principle Centred Leadership•

• I am committed to the pursuit of health and fitness so that I can and do demonstrate self-discipline and athletic performance. I also do this to increase my personal productivity. I honour my body by putting into it only that which serves its wellbeing. I do this to promote my ability to perform my chosen and imposed roles and to help me comply with my Mission Statement.
• I am committed to personal growth. I study through reading and experiential learning, and I make broader knowledge the objective of my studies.
• I seek out and enjoy new adventures and experiences, overcoming personal doubt and by focused effort.
• I take the time for spiritual awareness through solitude, and through the use of nature as a source of peaceful meditation.

I demonstrate competence and character, doing and being my best.
• I am a congruent model of Principal Centred Leadership to my family, friends, colleagues, and those I serve in all my roles.
• I am an excellent husband, father, friend and colleague.
• As a professional I understand and perform congruently with the productive expectations of any organisation through which or for which I perform my services. I focus on my employers’ vital priorities and I motivate my colleagues to the same end. I maintain my objectivity, I perform at a standard of excellence, I remain current in laws and practices and I comply with the ethics of my profession and my Unifying Principles.
• I demonstrate high levels of skill and patience in driving.
• I demonstrate proactive patience in daily living.
• I am diligent and considered in my use of the English language, and I am a highly competent public speaker.

I serve noble causes, enabling others to do and be better.
• I dutifully ensure that the causes I serve now and in the future receive the best service I can provide by being diligent, enthusiastic and supportive to those institutions and the people within them.
• I make the effort, take the time and seek out opportunities to spread the philosophies and methods of personal leadership and values-based time management whenever possible.
• I make the effort, take the time and properly invest the means required to build a nurturing, comfortable and supportive home environment that all those who live or visit there can enjoy.
• I preach my philosophy constantly and, where necessary, I use words.

The ONLY Way to Win?

13 Sunday Apr 2014

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Continuing on the theme of ‘the ideal’, I am reading an interesting book at the moment called ‘The Only Way to Win’ by Jim Loehr. The book is looking at how building character drives higher achievement, and an early chapter addresses the question – is high self-esteem a consequence of achievement, or is achievement a consequence of high self-esteem? There is a lot of discussion about having too much self-esteem being as bad, if not worse than having too little because inflated egos need, well, more inflation!

But one relevant quote provided is that of Dr Roy Baumeister, professor of Psychology at Florida State University, who says, “After all these years, I’m sorry to say, my recommendation is to forget about self-esteem and concentrate more on self-control and self-discipline.” This is exactly the objective of applying the First Resolution.

The suggestion has often been that self-esteem is either a pre-cursor to achievement (usually good) or a consequence of achievement (occasionally bad). Here’s the discovery Loehr made – if achievement is required in order to gain self-esteem, then anyone failing by any degree loses their self-respect. Furthermore, when people get what they seek they frequently become depressed because having achieved it they feel that it was too easy, so creating doubt in themselves that they earned what they have – and so they go seeking more in order to get the self-esteem that eluded them because they decided – they decided – that they didn’t deserve the esteem their achievement should have provided them!

This relates again to earlier posts – is my goal truly mine? Is my ideal truly ideal? If I DO get it, will I be happy?

Now, referring back to Baumeister’s quote and to further utilise the philosophy of Dr Charles R Hobbs, author of TimePower , if instead of using achievement as a measure of self-esteem we use our desire and ability to be in CONTROL of our lives as our ‘self-esteem measuring stick’, could we be happier in the moment? Could we still seek to achieve but do so more happily, to the degree that provided we remain in control of that striving we stay happy regardless of the end result. We live in the now, not in the hope that we will live ‘when we get there’.

Loehr used an example of a schoolboy wanting to be a doctor.

“I’ll be happy when I get my school exams done with,” becomes “I’ll be happy when I get my medical degree” becomes “I’ll be happy when I finish my doctor training/internship” becomes “I’ll be happy when I can be a consultant” etc etc. Such dependence on achievement to assuage one’s self-esteem is fraught because one failure along that route means ‘the END!’, despite the potential each step provides. And in circumstances like that example, we won’t be happy until we are far too old – and too tired – to enjoy the success we sought.

Indeed, while we are striving we tend to use what we achieve as we go along to influence everything we do – for example, we spend money in a way that serves each step and doesn’t necessarily serve the end in mind; we nurture or stifle relationships that serve/obstruct our goals; and we dress, eat and live ‘in the expected way’.

(Don’t get me started on how we are taught to avoid stereotyping when we all, ALL OF US willingly comply with stereotypes to get what we want, either consciously or subconsciously. In my country, we say it’s easy to spot a conservationist/social worker/Guardian reader, and have you noticed how people being interviewed in the media are often wearing suits but have taken their ties off to look ‘media cool’. Well, they’re not. I digress.)

Anyway, I asked the question that perhaps every goal-orientated person should ask at the off – “What responsibility or consequence will arise from my success?” Not just the award, prize, wealth or immortality, but what goes with it.

Fame – and the media interest in your private life? Perhaps you seek a Professorship – and the subsequent need to lecture, write, and be approached for authoritative opinion ad nauseam? How about professional status – and the realisation that you will have to earn a living at it 60 hours a week for 50 years? All the time having to spend time with colleagues you don’t trust rather than spending time with the family you love? (BTW, earning millions while your kids don’t know what you look like is NOT the only way to bring up happy kids. Try earning only £1million and spending time with them instead.)

So – great self-esteem is something you deserve to have NOW. It comes from having great self-discipline and exercising self-control. You being in charge means you recognising and deciding whether the consequences of your dreams are what you expect and want them to be, and to adjusting your sights and plans accordingly. Make sure the Important Things are YOUR Important Things.

Incidentally, after I read the paragraphs in Loehr’s book I texted all my kids and told them how proud I was of them regardless of their achievements.