Tag Archives: principles

Three Resolutions – and why someone else’s political decision doesn’t make them an idiot.

06 Sunday Mar 2016

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“Fear – false evidence appearing real.” Tony Robbins. Among others.

One of the most popular news stories at the moment (in Britain) is the forthcoming EU Referendum, where the populace will be asked whether or not they wish to remain part of the European Union. For those not in the loop, the UK joined the ‘European Economic Community’ in 1973. I was 11. My recollection was that we were joining what was actually termed The Common Market, and the objective was free trade and improved economic relationship. It was not, in my own memory, about the creation of an arguably undemocratic, powerful and authoritative quasi-state which dictated rules and laws on its members. But that is what it became. (I think I may have tipped my hand…..)

One of the major talking points in the In-Out Campaign is the apparent, reported focus by the ‘In’ crowd on raising the spectres of what might/will happen if we leave, which appears to include everything short of war (which the Brits would win because the French would surrender and the Germans would trip over their mullets and we’d bribe the Italians). Every ‘In’ story appears to focus on the negatives of leaving rather than on the positives of staying. The campaign motto seems to be “Frighten the population into opposing change.” If I looked I’m sure I’d see examples of the ‘Out’ Team using fear as well.

Either of which is a betrayal of a belief in people to cope with, face and overcome the unknown. In life, as in this referendum, there are imponderables. We may have authoritative information upon which to make any life decision, we may have beliefs and values that point us, by default or through design, in a certain direction. But ultimately, principles govern and what will be will be. What happens will be the consequence of principles, which in turn will be affected by all sorts of events, most of which we cannot anticipate. Who expected the Tsunami, 9/11, the US earthquakes, and so on? We coped because we had to, and because we also had the benefit of principles that had guided us through disasters before.

Bad example, in a way. Hopefully any exit from (or remaining in) the EU will NOT be a disaster.

But one thing is certain – if we remain through fear, we will continue complaining about the things which dismay us as a country now. If we remain it must be because it is the better option.

We must face the fear that remaining will cause increased integration despite our misgivings. Whatever rules the super-state chooses to impose will be legally enforceable. We do know that it makes our rules and if we remain then rules we don’t anticipate may come into being.

We must face the fear that leaving may have trade implications (can’t see how, most salesmen sell to ANYONE who will buy, and any trade embargo on a democratic state would arguably breach international law but maybe I’m being naïve).

One principle remains true. Whatever happens, there will be consequences (as French chief Francois Hollande put it in his own efforts to frighten us). There will be those consequences we consider ‘good’, and I’m sure there will be those we consider ‘bad’. Whichever ‘side’ you take.

Although if we choose to overcome fear as the false evidence it so often is, I’m sure that the ‘bad’ will be addressed, solutions found, action taken and the ‘bad’ turned into opportunity. And to be frank, nothing changes without facing fear.

Therefore, cards on the table. I’m for ‘Out’ just to see what challenges – and opportunities – result. I will use the Three Resolutions to obey principles, act in accordance with my personal mission statement, continue seeking to be a person of good character and as professional as I can, and to serve those in my circle of influence. No super state can stop me doing that if that is how I choose to live, and no challenge will defeat me if we leave. I will continue to be who I am, wherever and whenever that may be. But the same applies if we remain.

Stephen Covey suggested in the Seven Habits that having an unchangeable core – in this case a personal mission statement – enables us to cope with whatever changes occur around us.

If you think like that, perhaps you’ll also be willing to accept the decisions that don’t go your way, instead of calling the ‘other side’ names for not agreeing with you? For the simple reason that no decision made by others can present any meaningful change on the self-made rules that tell you the way to live YOUR life.

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Three Resolutions – available at Amazon HERE in paperback, or HERE for Kindle.

 

A Reminder of What This Site is All About. For me as well as for you.

22 Sunday Nov 2015

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‘The Three Resolutions’ describe how making three commitments can make quantum improvements in an individual’s life, specifically in three areas. The areas are the physical self in terms of the wellbeing of the body; the ‘mental’ self in terms of character and competence; and the spiritual self in terms of contribution and service to others. The commitments to be made are to overcome appetites and passions through the application of self-discipline and self-denial; to overcome pretentions and pride through becoming a person of good character, and of great professional competence; and to overcome unbridled ambition and aspiration through a focus outside oneself.

When I started this site I publicly committed to a set of rules, values and a personal mission statement that reflected those headings. In many ways I succeeded in executing to a degree, but I felt that I wasn’t as compliant with my intentions as I could or should have been. Asking myself why, and considering the self-generated feedback that resulted, I concluded that there were four reasons why I, and many others, don’t feel as though our level of compliance with our mission statements is as high as we would like.

This realisation led me to consider the reasons for this, and how we could go about addressing the gap between desire and execution in living our personal mission statement; or, for the purposes of this article, living The Way©.

One day, while listening to Stephen Covey’s “How to Develop and Use a Personal Mission Statement” audio, I was struck by ‘the glaringly obvious’. As he spoke about how creation and execution of a personal mission statement can direct us towards what we ultimately want, but towards getting what we want in the way it should be ‘got’ rather than through false or foul means, I concluded that there is only one true route to personal success. It’s a straightforward formula of four phrases. They are:

  •  Find the Way
  • Learn the Way
  • Live the Way
  • Teach the Way

These four phrases systematically summarise a strategy for living. The system reflects the identification, learning and application process, that process which we all undertake when learning to live, to work, to earn, to relate to others, to manage – everything. They embody all the skills we need to have and to demonstrate in our efforts to live ‘properly’. They also reflect those areas where, if we are not careful, we will act badly.

This system parallels any development process undertaken anywhere, by anyone, for any purpose. It is how a professional learns; it is how a religion becomes ingrained into an adherent to that religion; it is how a family member learns to become a contributor to that family. The reason that such a system works is because it is neutral. It is a principle in action. It is the principle of progression, of starting out as a novice with the aim of becoming a master – if mastery is sought.

I believe that the route to living your Way is taken through these four steps. The steps are progressive and they involve properly and fully identifying the Way, studying in greater detail about how the Way can be executed, then living in such a fashion as to clearly be in congruence with the Way, and finally to reinforce your Way be teaching it.

In brief, the four elements of The Way are expanded thus:

Find the Way. To quote Covey, the first challenges we face when deciding The Way is that we are not sure who we are, and where we want to go. The first task is therefore to decide what values you have or want to have, the associated behaviours you believe will help you comply with those values, and writing them down so that you, yourself, clearly understand them.

Learn the Way. The second challenge, once we have put our fingers on who we want to be and where we want to go, is to learn how to do so. It is about studying and committing to the behaviours that serve execution of The Way.

Live the Way. Having overcome the first two challenges, there remain still further challenges to living the Way.

The first is that we do not realise that we are compliant because we don’t feel as though we are ‘doing’ our mission all of the time. Life gets in our way in the sense that it is hard to consider yourself carrying out your mission when you are filling the dishwasher. Life is full of little routines that have to be done but aren’t, well, exciting.

The second reason for ineffective application of The Way that we have identified is inextricably linked to the first. As our lives are littered with unexciting, routine, non-mission projects, tasks and other activities, we fail to properly and routinely recognise opportunities to execute on our missions. For example, part of my own mission is to be patient with others. Imagine a day cluttered with runs to the shops, commuting in traffic jams, banking and managing money – then something jumps at you and interrupts you and in that second you react impatiently, because you haven’t seen, in the clutter, that opportunity to be what you want to be. The third step is to identify and overcome the challenges and live The Way – the way that you want to.

Teach the Way. And one way of living The Way is to spend a lot of time teaching it. Stephen Covey counselled participants at his many events that the best way to learn something is to teach it to others. He would ‘volunteer’ random attendees and tell them he was about to teach something that they would have to repeat to other participants. Then he would point out to those others that his ‘volunteers’ had just pricked up their ears and picked up their pens – they were now listening because they knew they had to understand what they were about to teach.

That, therefore, is what this site is about. Providing articles and suggestions to help you get what you want, to the level you want, in a principled way. To help you find your Way.

Go to it.

Legal ethics – aren’t ethical.

21 Sunday Dec 2014

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“Principles are the simplicity on the far side of complexity.” Stephen R Covey.

The legal system is a poor example of principles in action, even though you will often hear it quoted as such.

I say this because of the (money-generating, anti-justice) focus on the observance of process over the principle of truth.

UK readers will know of Nick Freeman, ‘Mr Loophole’, whose expertise is on getting people found not guilty of things they did, on the basis of – well, loopholes. For example, a drunk-driving client who was charged by a civilian and not a police officer, so the court erroneously let them off even though I can’t find ANY legal requirement that a police officer read the charges out. Charge-reading is no more than a means of bringing a suspect to court. The message, “My client did what is alleged but you didn’t dot a t and cross an I” does not serve justice, it serves the procedure – and the lawyer’s pocket.

They call this ‘legal ethics’. They are the ethics that allow lawyers to NOT ask their client if they did it because to do so might prevent them defending that client. But here’s a question – if you have to pre-describe a term, doesn’t the term become redundant. In other words, doesn’t the word ‘legal’ before the term ‘ethics’ mean that they aren’t ethical at all?

For me, the overriding question in all human endeavour should be – what is the ultimate purpose of this process? If the process has not been followed, can the principle still be achieved reasonably fairly?

Such a question would rule out the use of deliberate or even grossly negligent errors in convicting people who endanger society, while still allowing us to prevent ‘honest error’ letting criminals and other dangerous offenders getting away with it.

Alternatively – some courts, judges, magistrates and prosecutors should just stand up and be counted.

You CAN tell the future.

20 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by in Discipline

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“We are free to choose our actions, but we are not free to choose the consequences of these actions.” Stephen R Covey

And that quote is the fundamental rationale for the imposition of self-discipline and self-denial.

The facts are: if we eat too much and do not move much, we gain weight. We can ‘positive mind attitude’ otherwise all we like, we will get fatter. We can treat people with disrespect and optimistically expect them to respect our motives and authority, but they will eventually move on and leave us adrift in a mess of our own construction. We can flog an engine to death and not maintain it, and it will break down. Consequences just ‘are’.

But the beauty of principles is that we can anticipate consequences and adjust our behaviour accordingly. We may perceive a period at work where we won’t be able to exercise as much as we normally do, and reduce our calorific intake accordingly. In a moment of anger we can want to say something pithy, witty and sarcastic, but choose, instead, to shut up. We can maintain an engine through periodic maintenance.

Self-discipline lets us apply principles to ourselves in such a way as to almost guarantee that the consequences will be of our choosing, and not that of fate.

Principles always apply.

Want a Life of Quality? Value Principles.

29 Saturday Nov 2014

Posted by in Character and Competence

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“Values will not bring quality of life results – unless we value PRINCIPLES.” Stephen R Covey

I, like most personal development writers, like to emphasise the importance of having a set of personal values or Unifying Principles, rules by which you live your life. They provide guidance, much like the Personal Mission Statement, when you have a ‘shall or shan’t I?’ question hanging over you.

But Principles are slightly different. For Dr Covey, Principles are not values; values are personal, can change, and are true to the individual whether or no they are true to others. For example, I may value ‘Money’ but others may not.

Principles, on the other hand, are Universal, Timeless, Understood and External Truths. They are unarguable, they have existed and will exist for ever, and they are true whether we believe in them or not. Like Truth and Honesty. The key test is said to be ‘argue the opposite and see if it makes sense’.

In this quote, therefore, Dr Covey is saying that if your values MATCH Principles, or at least accurately reflect them, you have a better chance of living a quality life because one thing Principles provide is consistency. Unlike values, they CANNOT change. They do not lie to you, they don’t present any illusion. With Values, ‘If – then’ is a possibility, with alternatives. With Principles, ‘If – then’ is an absolute, a given.

That’s why (for example) having a value like ‘Money’ is doomed. It is doomed because Money might go away, leaving you with nothing. Having a value like ‘Honesty’ (and adhering to it) will never go away. Even if YOU push it away, it is still there. Try lying your way through life.

Value Principles.

The Roadblocks to Inner Peace

28 Friday Nov 2014

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“Two of the most deadly roadblocks to peace are discouragement and pride.” Stephen r Covey/A. Roger Merrill.

In the book First Things First these two authors, along with Rebecca Merrill, opined that discouragement (literally lack of courage, as defined in that book) is a result of building life on an illusion rather than principle. It occurs most saliently when we are tired, angry, disappointed – in other words, when our focus on our mission is diluted by emotion. Instead of acting in accordance with our mission we excuse poor performance in the name of those emotional challenges, and ‘rational-lies’ our behaviour. The illusion is in the excuse.

Pride, in this context, stops us from behaving in accordance with our mission because Pride lies to us and tells us that our disciplined sacrifice may, in the moment, provide us with ‘less’ while providing someone else with ‘more’. It is a state of mind that in the moment seems to satisfy our ego (you now have something), while in the less obvious and longer term it also teaches us that someone, somewhere will have more than we have. By virtue of our pridefully thinking that we have the opportunity to obtain or do something ‘great’ and making a decision based on that pride, we accidentally accept that something else is greater, and in time we realise that we don’t have that. Peace is impossible when you spend your life looking for an illusory ‘better’.

Peace, inner peace, has been defined by Hyrum W. Smith as “having serenity, balance and harmony in your life through the appropriate control of events.” As events include every decision we make (and the consequences), it makes sense that one way to develop inner peace is through controlling events – by controlling each decision we make and by making sure that those decisions are based on compliance with our personal values and our mission statements. When we do that, inner peace is incubated because our conscience is not reminding us that we aren’t compliant with our chosen principles.

So to gain ‘inner peace’, make sure that you have identified your own Unifying Principles and that you make your decisions wholly with them in mind.

Act with courage – overcome the emotion of the moment and consider the greater emotion of the future peace. Act without pride – remember that what you gain from compliance with your principles is priceless. No-one has greater possession of personal value congruency. They either have it all, or they have none. You have it all – or you have none.