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THE THREE RESOLUTIONS

Tag Archives: mental health

Don’t Be Afraid To Cry. Especially Men.

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Posted by threeresolutionsguy in Uncategorized

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"time management", character, competence, covey, ET Battle of Britain, Falklands War, leadership, machismo Ia Drang, manliness, mental health, service, seven habits, Stephen R Covey", three resolutions, values

I am a traditional male. Not metrosexual. Not a Hipster. Not any of the ‘new man’ alternatives that were designed by people who do not consider themselves ‘just’ men. Each to his own, but ‘my’ idea of a man is someone who’ll back you in a fight, not hang back questioning the morality and whether his hair will get ruffled or his nails scraped. That’s just me – I’m the same age as Jack Reacher, (The book one, not the telly one. There’s been some temporal fiddling going on there.) Not that I’d start the fight, but my criteria for manliness, old-fashioned as it is, is ‘would I be happy if he was my only back up in a scrap?’

But I do have a softer side, and this is the funny thing. I get teary. And this is my list of teary moments.

  1. The last scene in ‘Saving Private Ryan’, where a now elderly Ryan stands over the grave of Lt Tom Hanks and asks his family, “Am I a good man?” (Damn, here I go…….)
  2. The goodbye scene in the movie ‘E.T’. “I’ll be right heeeeeerrreeee.”
  3. Funerals. Anybody’s. I feel the sadness of a life gone by.
  4. My daughters’ births and weddings. I think that’s allowed.
  5. When other people cry on telly in a properly poignant moment. No idea why.
  6. When Mel Gibson, as Lt Col Hal Moore, weeps after the battle at Ia Drang in the film ‘We Were Soldiers’. Made more poignant because the real Hal Moore did exactly that after the actual battle, as he praised the bravery and sacrifice of his men on national TV. (I’m really struggling to see, now.)
  7. The end titles of ‘The Battle of Britain’. Music composer Ron Goodwin’s build-up of strings to brass as they list the losses brings home the sacrifice of young men a third of my age.
  8. ‘Marley and Me’. Can’t watch that.
  9. Artax sinking into the Swamp of Sadness in ‘Never Ending Story’. Moroder’s music did NOT help.
  10. And damn it all, the final scenes of the Bond film ‘No Time to Die’. I’ve known that man since I was 8. And using John Barry’s ‘We Have All The Time In The World’ over it was a killer. And I was in a public place, damnit!

I see no shame in a man crying. It shows some level of understanding and empathy with whatever is causing it. And it shows, I guess, that there is something within said man that underpins his willingness to fight for something that matters, if fighting is needed. If a man didn’t care, then he’d fight for the wrong reason – false, macho, hyped-up patriotism, for example.

I remember 1982. I watched the documentaries as the men left for the Falkland Islands. Singing, “We’re going to the Malvinas, we’re gonna kill a **** or two” at the top of their voices.

And I also saw the documentaries as they came back. Utter silence.

And I wept for their sacrifice – the sacrifice not only of their colleagues and their friends, but also the evident loss of innocence about combat.

Still do, occasionally.

Don’t be afraid to weep.

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NOW is the time to prevent the post COVID explosion of stress.

03 Friday Apr 2020

Posted by threeresolutionsguy in Character and Competence, Uncategorized

≈ Comments Off on NOW is the time to prevent the post COVID explosion of stress.

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"time management", covid-a9, mental health, stress

David Allen of Getting Things Done fame, wrote:

“Many organisations are exhorting their people to be ‘customer driven’ and to ‘go the extra mile’ to add a competitive advantage of extraordinary service that will win more business. But they may not be addressing the ability to handle that business. …… When your front line feels overwhelmed, watch out for resistance to new customers and opportunities.”

That, leaders in the public sector, is how your staff feel every day. Every time you say yes to a government diktat, or to a local authority project, or to a promotion-seeking evidence gatherer, you add to your staff’s stress. Every time you ‘listen’ to your staff and take no notes and do nothing, you’re adding more. And when you take on more and more new work in the knowledge that it’s not you but your front line that has to do it, and you do that without ridding them of the other work, you add stress.

No matter how productive your staff, you cannot just keep loading them with more without then having to wonder why they’ve gone sick for 6 months. And why they sue you for constructive dismissal.

Wake up!

Now would be a great time to look at all that stuff that is building up because of what’s happening, and respectfully, considerately, courageously but resolutely decide what to leave behind when it’s all over.

And where necessary, tell those who want that cr4p that they can’t have it unless they cough up money and resources for the catch up process.

Otherwise the cost of what you think you’ll be doing is going to be a lot more than you can afford.

Loss of morale (minimum), loss of staff (probably) and in extreme circumstances, loss of life. Some people can’t cope.

You’ve all heralded the new world of Mental Health in the Workplace.

Actively choosing what is TRULY important (as opposed to every different department demanding ‘their’ figures and forms be submitted by the end of any working day).

Train your staff in time management methodology,  and divest them – and you – of the Quadrant 3 and Quadrant 4 ‘nice’ stuff that is burning up their potential productivity. THAT is the way to keep staff and create the results that matter.

So put your money where your mouth is. Decide what isn’t going to be done when this is all over. And stand by your decisions.

 

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