Tag Archives: Habit 4

Seven Habits – Day 14 – The Beginnings of Public Victory

14 Tuesday Jul 2020

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If, as I would hope, you have accepted your own responsibility for ‘life’ and have started focusing in your Circle of Influence, creating and working on a plan that serves your legacy, you need to work with other people – which can be fraught. Working your Emotional Bank Account through Habit 4 is a great way to do that. It is the beginning of Public Victory.

Many people confuse the name of this Habit. When asked what it is, they say “Win/Win” with gusto. Wrong. It is “THINK Win/Win.” As you cannot predict or demand any response from A.N. Other, you can only focus on your own attitude and approach as that is firmly within your Circle of Influence. You have to take 100% responsibility for communication.

There are 6 takes on agreements. They are Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Lose, Lose/Win, Win, Win /Win or No Deal. Think of them like this –

  1. Win/Win good; the ideal opening “thought-salvo” to any negotiation;
  2. Win/Lose; “I will beat you into the ground to get what I want at your expense”;
  3. Lose/Win surrender; “Walk over me, everyone else does.”;
  4. Win – also selfish but with no regard for the other;
  5. Lose/Lose is used a lot in divorces; “If I can’t have it neither can you!”; and
  6. Win/Win or No Deal, which means we can decide to disagree, agreeably, and not do the deal.

Only Win/Win and Win/Win or No Deal establish and maintain good relationships – all of the others fail that test and actually prevent future discourse.

There are 5 Dimensions of Win/Win, applied in turn in order to achieve the best ‘deal’. By the way, by ‘deal’ I mean any agreement from a merger between Pepsi and Coca Cola to getting your teenager to clean her room. The dimensions executed in order are Character – what you are as a person, e.g. congruent and reliable; Relationship – established and firmed up before proceeding; Agreement – results focused and made, confirmed, and described in a way both parties understand and accept (see DR GRAC); Systems – for making the agreement work; and Processes – for detailed execution of the agreement.

Character is also described as the nexus of Integrity, Maturity (balance of courage and consideration) and an Abundance Mentality (an acknowledgement that there is enough pie to go around). Maturity means having the courage to seek what you want but having the consideration to do so with the other’s needs firmly in mind and part of the solution.

Once you have the character to start negotiating – i.e. you enter with Win/Win as your objective – then you start to establish or improve a relationship so that open conversation can take place with a view to then entering into the DR GRAC element of the agreement. Once the agreement is reached, then systems for accountability, reward and execution can also be agreed and implemented.

In The Seven Habits book, Stephen Covey provides examples of each of the 6 levels of agreement, and examples of how this kind of thinking has worked in the home and in business. Indeed, his example of establishing such an agreement with his son, through DR GRAC, is now legendary in the world of personal development. It can be viewed on YouTube HERE. His son says he was framed.

Approaching any potential agreement with Win/Win in mind is the Root of interpersonal success. Tomorrow and Thursday we will look at the shoot and the fruit of the Public Victory.

If it wasn’t for ‘people’ …….

31 Monday Mar 2014

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I have a tongue-in-cheek saying for my own role in a public service sector, and many readers will sympathise a little (in private) with it. It goes

“If it wasn’t for the public this would be a great job.”

They call us expecting us to deal with their problem as if it is the only problem we have to address. They see the TV and how things are sorted in half an hour (minus ad breaks) and expect us to do the same. They also seem to think that we don’t have time off at weekends and after hours, like they do.

But in absolute fairness, if it wasn’t for ‘people’ life would be a little humdrum. When you think about it –

“Everything we do, we do for someone, because of someone, or with someone.”

Consider your own circumstances. In truth, is there anything you do that does not come under one of those headings. Think broadly, because things you think you do on your own usually require either direct or indirect involvement of someone else – perhaps, for example, the inventor of the equipment you are using. (I lose count of people who hate ‘personal development’ books because they are ‘so American’: I ask them to give up their computers because they are pretty much American, too. Microsoft and Apple pretty much run the world in computer terms, after all.)

So, realising that all you do is because of, for or with the help of someone, perhaps your attitude towards the interference of ‘people’ in your life should mellow, just a teeny bit.

Then you can start to Think Win-Win with people, as per Habit 4 of the 7 Habits. That’s a whole new challenge! On courses I have attended, when asked what Habit 4 is, participants often shout back ‘Win-Win!’ and have to be gently corrected because the emphasis is as much on the Think as it is on the Win-Win. Habit 4 is the mindset of the Public Victory; Habit 5 (seek first to understand, then to be understood) is your part in the Technique, and Habit 6 (Synergise) is the combined execution that brings the desired result.

Just entering into a conversation, negotiation or situation with the mindset of mutual satisfaction with an end result makes a massive difference to the interaction between people – even the ones who you don’t want to interact with. So here’s a question Dr Covey used when he sensed the beginning of a dispute (for example with someone who opens with ‘the policy is….’).

“What is the nature of your concern?”

This requires an answer that comes from behind the initial objection to you getting the result you need. It asks, “If this policy is preventing us from agreeing, what is behind the policy – what caused that policy to come about?” All too often, the policy is designed as a safety blanket to prevent a problem that will not necessarily apply in your own situation, and is therefore changeable ‘just this once’ because a sense of trust and understanding – resulting from your own approach in Think Win-Win – allows it.

People – treated with respect and understanding they can be soooooo much nicer…….