Tag Archives: First Things First

Stretch yourself – be like Pregnancy Pants.

27 Friday Mar 2020

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“Sometimes things can go right only by first going very wrong.” Edward Tenner

And here we are. We exist at a time where the whole world has come to a grinding crawl, with the retail and hospitality industries taking a big hit. Which means that we, the citizens, denied our access to the dopamine of retail therapy and the opportunity to get away from it all suddenly find we have to find some other way of feeling good and ‘finding ourselves’.

Charles R Hobbs, of the original, non-Brian Tracy title TimePower, observed that when we go on holiday, the first thing we do on arrival is recreate the Comfort Zone that is home. First, we check the TV channels, and then we find out the wi-fi password. Is he right? Be honest.

Today, the comfort zones of shopping and the workplace have been denied to many, and to be fair that has resulted in a lot of imagination being utilised to cope with new challenges, which is arguably Mankind’s greatest skill. And as one esteemed philosopher put it, Mankind’s development has been the result of Challenge – Response.

The Challenge today is how to live in a confined space and feel happy, secure and productive for the period of the Lockdown. Of course, the nature of this lockdown is, shall we say, a bit like pregnancy trousers – there’s a bit of leeway that will expand and contract as needs demand.

Notwithstanding the ability or otherwise to do your paid work, we have a twenty-day window to:

  • Discover Kindle e-books, which can be in your lap in seconds and can feed your mind on a subject of interest to you.
  • Access on-line courses which can make you more employable.
  • Do all those jobs around the house that have needed doing. (My kitchen FINALLY looks organised.)
  • Talk to your partner and kids.
  • And your neighbours, whether they work for the NHS or not.
  • Telephone friends, neighbours and workmates using those unlimited minutes you’ve paid for.
  • (Personal favourite) Study The Seven Habits, First Things First and Principle-Centred Leadership and discover new ways of thinking – how to think, not what to think – an important distinction. All available on Kindle and, if you’re clever, very cheaply.
  • Read my blogs more often.

All of the above ideas, and any you can discover for yourself, will mean that you come out of the other side of this a better person, more organised, and possibly even more productive than before.

But, above all, doing something like those things will absolutely, unarguably and without fail MASSIVELY increase your sense of self-esteem – the value you place on yourself.

Go on – don’t just be a public hero like everyone else. Stretch yourself.

Win a Private Victory as well.

Who are YOU to Leave a Legacy? Read on…..

24 Saturday Feb 2018

Posted by in Character and Competence, Discipline, General, Rants, Uncategorized

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After a 45-minute spin session on my clothes horse this afternoon, watching Dr Covey training large groups of the wise, I found a YouTube video of a gentlemen in heavy facial tattoos having a go at the book First Things First. (I’ll come to those tattoos and why I mentioned them later.) Of course, I was always going to defend the book, but the focus of this post is one criticism that the vlogger made.

He suggested that the book was great for high-earners and those in powerful positions, but (to paraphrase) ‘the guy struggling to make ends meet is never going to be interested in leaving a legacy’.

How patronising. For a start, why shouldn’t the guy struggling to make ends meet want to leave behind something important when he’s gone ? From something as simple as a loved child, through to some magnificent contribution that changes the lives of millions, why is it that this vlogger thinks that the remit to leave a legacy is only within the power of the wealthy, the super-clever or the unbelievably talented?

A legacy isn’t necessarily a Microsoft, an Apple, a World Cup or other personal title. A legacy is positive contribution that lives in the memory of those left behind, whether it is a stadium-full of happy football fans or the spark of love remaining in the hearts of your children and grandchildren. It exists when a professional remembers a teacher that had faith in them when they doubted themselves. It exists within a charity worker who holds a child until it realises that people love it, and that life is worth pursuing. It exists within an author who writes a book that informs or entertains.

It exists within YOU. But it is only you who can bring it out into physical existence. You can leave a positive legacy, a bad legacy, or none at all. Those who feel they have nothing to offer live homelessly on our streets, abuse alcohol or drugs, or mope from day to day with no concept of meaning. And many die as a direct result of that sense of meaninglessness.

That’s why I promote The Three Resolutions and that is why I wrote the books. I believe that people who live in their accord – knowingly or not – live happy lives of competently executed purpose and service, resulting from a sense of self-discipline and great personal character. And in doing so they will all leave a legacy, similar to those described above. Even if they don’t realise they have done so – they have. I remember teachers, role models, trainers, writers and others that have had faith in me and whose example have made me what I am. (It’s me who hasn’t quite fully capitalised on their faith!) I bet you remember such people, too.

Leave a Legacy. PLAN to leave a legacy. It’s a lot more fun to plan one that leave one by accident.

Anyway, back to the tattooed vlogger.. I don’t like excessive tattoo-ery but those are my values in action. He has every right to have a tattooed visage if he wants one.

The reason I mention it is not to criticise, but to ask this.

If he doesn’t think leaving a legacy is important, why is he vlogging and why is he raising his individuality and sense of self-esteem by painting his face?

To leave a legacy, that’s why.

Bloomin’ hypocrite.

You can be as GRRRREEEEATT! as Frosties.

11 Sunday Oct 2015

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“When we exercise the courage to set AND ACT on goals that are connected to principles and conscience we tend to achieve positive results.” Covey/Merrill, ‘First Things First’

And this was brought home to me this week, in two ways.

First of all, I have been establishing a training and coaching business (see this page ) and the business model involves making calls to business to seek their help in my provision of a keynote talk on overcoming procrastination, a talk after which I invite the attendees to come to a formal programme. I may have mentioned before that I hate making telephone calls at the best of times, so making unsolicited calls at the end of which I may be rejected was, shall I say, challenging?

But I set the goals (probably months ago, to be frank!) to make said calls this week and, ennobled by a colleague’s own success in making an approach to estate agencies, I did the same. I made a list of local agents and worked through them.

I was not called names. I did not die a horrible death. I overcame my dread (okay, it’s not facing a horde of Zulus but I have been spared that horror because some braver men did it for me in 1879) and established a positive experience that will serve me in the future. I also salved the conscience that’s been shouting at me to act. Lesson taught, and learning accepted.

But there was an added lesson. As I was making these calls my son walked in on me. He is involved in a college course, part of which requires him to do 300 hours relevant work experience. He is a shy lad, but owing to the desire to get the work (farming) and the failure of the college to provide any meaningful assistance, he has had to overcome that reluctance to deal with people and he has spent the week touring farms, talking to strangers and asking them for help. He appears to have met with some success.

And the bombshell – having nagged him to get out and put himself about because that’s what we coaches do, he looked me right in the eye as I put the phone down on a call and said, “Now you know how I feel.”

Boom! Right in the conscience, son! Twist that verbal knife! (And impress me with your wisdom.)

And was he right? Damn right he was right!

When we overcome our fears, however small and illogical, we make ourselves something better than we were before. It might only be a little bit ‘better’ but as Emerson said, “Little by little we build our power.” I remember my first public speaking effort. I was asked just to introduce myself. I got up and burbled for two minutes, then sat down – desperately wanting another go! That ‘little’ built so much power in two minutes.

Every time we leave our comfort zone, regardless of the results, we grow. So does the zone, so we have to stretch further the next time we want to leave it. Occasionally we don’t only enter the ‘stretch zone’ that sits immediately outside the comfort zone. Occasionally we are shoved mercilessly into the Panic Zone. And when we emerge from there, battered and bloodied (or even unscathed) we are all the greater for having been there.

Seek your greatness. Stretch yourself. Listen to your conscience and your Unifying Principles and, when the opportunity arises or life asks you to comply with them – do so.

It’s fantastic.

How to plan for Peace.

04 Sunday Oct 2015

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“The more completely weekly goals are tied into a wider framework of correct principles and into a personal mission statement, the greater the increase in effectiveness will be.” Stephen R Covey

I recently met with a good friend and colleague who ambushed me (in a nice way) and asked for a bit of time management input. Right off the bat I was initially a bit ‘errr, ummmm, aaah’ but after a few seconds of confusion (resulting from the lack of the time available for the preparation I usually could have put into such valuable teaching) I knew what was needed. The Weekly Planning ‘Line of Sight’ approach reflected in the above quotation.

Many people plan in a vacuum, if they plan at all. Occasionally by virtue of their work responsibilities or other influence there isn’t a great deal of planning the see themselves able to do. Their work is identified for them by others, in advance, and their total input is just to see that it gets done. Their perception is therefore that they need not plan at all.

But that view doesn’t reflect the reality that we are ‘people’ 24/7 and the non-work time needs to be planned too, if it is to be of any value.

So the advice I gave my friend was to use the 6 Step Planning method used by Stephen Covey in the book First Things First, later edited, jiggled with and reframed by others, but nevertheless the original and best. To plan your week:

  1. Reconnect with your Mission. (Haven’t got one yet? HOW MANY MORE TIMES!) Re-read your PMS and decide what you are about.
  2. Identify your Roles. List the roles you will be acting this week, and omit those which have no part in this week’s intended activity. Leave them for next week. Or never.
  3. Set Goals for each Role. Set a goal or two for each role, a goal that will stretch you but stil direct you towards your intended destination.
  4. Schedule your priorities. Not prioritise your schedule. The former means planning to execute your priorities at scheduled times. The other means only deciding your appointments are important, and they might not be.
  5. Exercise Integrity in the Moment of Choice. That means doing what you intended unless a genuine emergency, or better PMS-orientated opportunity arises. And ONLY then.
  6. Evaluate your week. At the end of the week and start of the next, look at how well you performed – or not.

Where’s the line of sight? It’s Mission through planning to execution to success. I know that some things we are responsible for doing aren’t PMS related BUT if your PMS includes references to excellence in performance then even the things you don’t want to do as ‘things’ can still serve that part of your mission. (I wish I’d learned and committed to that a bit better before I retired.)

The result – higher self-esteem and a sense of satisfaction at a job done well, and movement towards what you have defined is important to you. Can’t ask for better.

I’m just off to plan my week; the personal and professional commitments that I have decided through my PMS will receive my fullest commitment, including “excellence in the study, understanding, observation and presentation of principled-centred personal leadership to my clients, recognising and supporting their need to be successful,” and to being “proactive and disciplined in the gap between desire and reluctance when doing what must be done.”

I’ve already “maintain(ed) both my body and my mind by putting into them that which serves their wellbeing, and by actively exercising both.” And my legs ache.

But the sense of accomplishment is great.

Do it – plan your week using the 6 step process, and if that is 7-steps because you haven’t written your PMS yet – make that a scheduled priority. You won’t believe the peace of the results even when you see them.

05 Monday Jan 2015

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“If the thing you’ve committed to is principle-centred, you gradually become a little more principle-centred. You keep the promise to yourself and your personal integrity account goes up.” Stephen R Covey.

You may be familiar with the 4 stages of learning ‘model’, described on Wikipedia thus:

“Initially described as “Four Stages for Learning Any New Skill”, the theory was developed at the Gordon Training International by its employee Noel Burch in the 1970s. It has since been frequently attributed to Abraham Maslow, although the model does not appear in his major works.”

In a nutshell, you go from unconscious incompetence (you don’t know that you don’t know), to conscious incompetence (you now know what you need to learn), to conscious competence (the learning phase where ‘doing’ requires conscious thought) to unconscious competence (where you do without thought).

What Dr Covey is alluding to in today’s quote from First Things First is that through conscious application of principle-centred leadership and The Three Resolutions we slowly and inexorably become firstly consciously competent – we know we are doing it – and finally unconsciously competent, where we finally become what we sought to be. We are no longer ‘doing’. We are ‘being’. We are not performing principle-centred leadership – we ARE principle-centred leaders.

Some people don’t understand this progression. We make a declaration that we intend to live in accordance with this or any other positive philosophy, and their focus immediately goes to our first failure, and they attack us for it. ‘You said you were going to give up swearing, and you just said XXXXX – you failed’, they declare. This is a false assessment – we failed then, in that moment, but we may never fail again and our intention remains to never swear. We remain at the third level a little longer – but at least we are aware of our intention. Unlike most, who live with no thought as to how to live.

So declare your intention and don’t be swayed by the detractors who can’t live to a higher standard. Seek to live up to your own.

First Service – no, not your car’s.

27 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by in Purpose and Service

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“There is so much that we can do to render service, to make a difference in the world – no matter how large or small our Circle of Influence.” Stephen R Covey

This season being one dedicated to friends and family, I would like to remind y’all that service to others starts with service to family. There is no nobler service than to look after family members in time of need. Yes, service to others is noble, of course it is. But what kind of nobility can exist if, while nobly serving the community, your own family wonders what you look like and does not get the attention it deserves, nay, requires.

This particular quote, from Covey/Merrill’s First Things First, follows a description of service by Bryant S. Hinckley, who said:

“Service is the virtue that distinguished the great of all times and which they will be remembered by. It is the dividing line that separates the two great groups of the world – those who help and those who hinder, those who lift and those who lean, those who contribute and those who only consume.”

He goes on to provide ideas on how we can serve, saying:

“To give encouragement, to impart sympathy, to show interest, to banish fear, to build self-confidence and awaken hope in the hearts of others – in short, to love them and to show it – is to render the most precious service.”

If you can’t do that for your family, what are your motives when you give it to others?

Family first.

Quote of the Day

18 Tuesday Nov 2014

Posted by in Character and Competence

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(As inspiration and as part of my PMS to spread the word about Three Resolutions and Principle-Centred Leadership I am occasionally going to use quotes from the ‘daily insight’ books on the Seven Habits and First Things First. Just so you know.)

“Personal trustworthiness makes trust possible.” Stephen R Covey

This is one of the precepts of the Second Resolution – that one should seek the honour of being trusted, because one has strived to develop the two ingredients of trustworthiness, namely character and competence. The interdependence of the two is covered by analysing those who gave one and not the other.

Do you know someone who does a tremendous job, but who you wouldn’t trust with your significant other? Are you familiar with an unbelievably nice bloke, whose car you would avoid climbing into because he just can’t drive safely?

We should all try to be people of character – good character, not just ‘characters’ – who provide excellent results in our employed or voluntary work. That is the objective of the Second Resolution but it also a common-sense approach to life, isn’t it?

Although if I was asked to choose, I think I would rather be a person of character who is still capable of learning to be competent, than a highly competent a***hole.

How about you?

How do you set YOUR Goals?

05 Wednesday Nov 2014

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In First Things First Stephen Covey advocated the Context Goal, where each of your goals is planned in the context of your various roles and your personal values. The specific drafting of goals, he suggested, should be done using the What, Why and How ‘method’.

To illustrate how to set goals using the Covey method, let me take you through a process.

You have a general idea about where you intend to go, but no sense of the detail. This is the secret of effective goal setting – not the simple identification of the goal, but four other factors of EXTREME importance!

The factors are:

  • Specificity – What
  • Motivation – Why
  • Method – How
  • Action! – Now

Specificity – how specific is your goal? Is it ‘lose weight’ or ‘by the 31st of December 2010 I will weigh 13st 7lbs’? Is it, ‘own a sports car’ or is it ‘By my 40th birthday I will own a black Reliant Scimitar S5a with beige leather trim’?

Do you see the difference? Which is likely to focus your attention the most – a generality or a specific, timed and even visible objective? That’s the first secret – being as specific as possible.

The human mind has a faculty called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This system alerts the unconscious mind to things that are important. As cavemen it would shout ‘TEETH’ when something crept up behind us. Now, it identifies things of importance in less direct ways. For example, ever bought a new car and then noticed how many other people had the same model? I know that since my wife and daughter both bought Citroen Xsara Picassos there are MILLIONS of them on the roads and I keep waving to complete strangers.

The purpose of specificity is to make the image of the goals’ attainment so important to your subconscious that it spots the opportunities to make progress towards your goal for you, rather than wait for you to see them consciously. Be specific where you can, and be as specific as you can. (BTW, that is the core rationale behind Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret. That’ll be £10 again, please.)

Motivation – why do you want to achieve this goal? What about it keeps you interested? What will it mean to you as you work towards it and when you achieve it? How will you feel? How will life be? What values will be met? Is it part of your ultimate vision?

Silly questions? I think not. Goals that get carried through are goals with meaning. It’s the goals that fail that are a reflection, I would argue, of the fact that you never really wanted to achieve them in the first place.

For example: how do you feel about goals that are set for you? I suspect they get a grudging ‘I will do enough to be seen to be doing enough’ response.

Why? Because someone set them for you, that’s why. You have no investment in getting the objectives met. You don’t see the benefit, to you, of doing the work that someone else feels is important. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just natural. When you were in school some subjects grabbed you and some did not. As you developed your interests and hobbies, you became passionate about some things and were disinterested in others.

So when setting your goals, decide why it is you want to achieve them. Create a passionate desire to get what you want by imagining what it will be like when you have it.

Method – having decided what you passionately want, in specific detail, the next phase is planning HOW you are going to get it. There are a number of ways to do this, as we will discuss later.

Action – get off your backside and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Don’t expect things to fall into your lap. They might if you wait long enough, but time is wasted in the wait. Don’t spend all your time ‘getting ready’. Having made a list of things to do in the Method (how to) stage, the idea is to DO those things. I know I have fallen victim of ‘perpetual planning’ in the past, making long lists of things to do and then procrastinating like heck until, finally, they get done. And then I regret the missed opportunities that resulted from my not being ready because of that waiting. Do It Now! Whenever possible.

Re-examine your goals and run them through this process.

Begin with the End in Mind – ALL the Time.

05 Sunday Oct 2014

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In the book First Things First, Stephen Covey wrote about how we should begin our lives with our legacy in mind, and he went further by writing in this (mainly but not exclusively) time management book that we should plan each week with the same objective – a plan that we would execute during the week to ensure that by the end of that week we had achieved what we’d set out to do.

Stated within those pages but not as clearly to me as he had intended – my fault, not his – was the idea that Begin(ning) with the End in Mind applied to everything we do, not just life-, work- or daily-plans, but even the most routine stuff.

This was brought home to me last week when I went for a long run and limped home afterwards because I had neglected to consider the condition of my feet, specifically a ruddy great toenail that decided towards the end of my run to incise the adjacent toe and cause a rush of blood into my sock.

I consider this concept to be the reason why I love using my personal planning system. It does look nice and it is exceptionally convenient to use, but the most practical benefit for me is that when I put something down in it, whether it be a task or an appointment, I am immediately pushed to thinking about what preparation is needed for that item.

If it’s an appointment, what paperwork will I need, what travel plans are necessary (maps, then satnav – always!), what else can I be doing while I am travelling/waiting/in the area, etc. If it’s a task there are similar considerations, like have I got the tools/equipment/skills/money that I need and, if not, where can I get it and what else can I get/do while I’m collecting it. (That’s a skill developed after a day where I visited a hardware store 5 times in one day – that’s another story.) If the plan involves other people I can look towards deciding what they can or could bring to the party, what their needs are and what I can do about them.

The final, practical benefit of a paper planning system is that when these thoughts arise I am already sat in front of the very thing I need to make the plans and plan the actions that have arisen just out of the one, original intention. Of course you can do all that on a tablet, although the jumping between programmes can be a nightmare for the slightly less e-inclined.

(I know, Samsung S-Memo, Evernote and the undoubted i-equivalent do have their uses but pen and paper is a lot quicker unless and until you’re used to them. What’s more, paper’s batteries never run out and paper never crashes. And you can file paper for EVER when your hardware gets full or old.)

Since everything we do has an objective (or we shouldn’t be doing it – what is the objective for watching soap operas?), then everything we do has an End in Mind towards which we should plan, and in respect of which we should execute that plan. Many generals have said “Planning is everything, but plans are nothing”, reflecting the older adage, “No plan survives initial contact with the enemy”, but their point is always – planning is a necessary and fundamental part of success. Once you know the End I Mind you can change the plan. But if you don’t know the End, or you don’t have a Plan, you haven’t started yet.

The only sad part about getting good at this? Is that you get so good that you don’t notice you’re doing it.

Weekly Challenge

Consider obtaining some sort of planning system – electronic or paper, it’s up to you and you don’t have to take my absolutely true, effective and unarguable word that paper is better. Take your time and really consider investing in a quality system (Daytimer, Daytimer UK, Franklin Covey or FranklinCovey UK, TimeSystem US or UK, or Filofax, the bigger you can manage, the better) Then learn how to best use it in your own situation, and commit to doing so for at least 31 days. By which time you’ll probably be a lot better at doing what you want to do, when it needs to be done, and at the level of execution excellence you seek.

Which is the end you have in mind, surely?

 Blog Part

Last week I said my weight loss for the previous 7 days had been disappointing. This week I ‘only’ lost 2.5lbs but as long as that carries on I’ll be at my target weight at around the intended point. I’ve also discovered that I can no longer eat heavy meals (and not THAT heavy) without feeling bloated and uncomfortable afterwards, which will pay dividends. Tony Robins opines that eating poorly is one of the causes of ‘the common cold’ because the symptoms of a ‘common cold’ are only the body trying to divest itself of all the rubbish we tend to eat around Thanksgiving (USA) and Christmas (everywhere). It may be true – the last two weeks, after eating a heavy meal, my nose has been blocked for the next 24 hours, whereas the rest of the week it feels fine. Food for thought. (See what I did there?)

For some reason running has been feeling harder but the times are sound. This suggests that I am running faster at first, so getting puffed out, then slowing down to reach the distance in the same time. Logical, but does it mean I’m hitting my maximum speed? I hope not because it means that no matter how far I run I’ll run at 8 and a bit mph! Which means a sub-2 hour half marathon if/when I get there, but never any better.

I’ve focused a lot of attention on spreading the word via social media (like this site, Facebook, and Twitter – @3resolutionsguy). I’ve also started readying myself for some more goals, because after I lose weight and assuming I stay where I get I will have to have something more to focus on. Like a new job……..