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THE THREE RESOLUTIONS

~ Your Personal Mission Controller – Self-Leadership That Works

THE THREE RESOLUTIONS

Tag Archives: EU Referendum

Some things can’t be put off.

03 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by threeresolutionsguy in Purpose and Service

≈ Comments Off on Some things can’t be put off.

Tags

"time management", EU Referendum, procrastination

“Almost always, there IS one thing among all others that must be done first.” Stephen R Covey

And more often than we’d care to admit, said ‘one thing’ gets demoted to ‘lower than the quick, convenient or more pleasurable thing’. How do I know this?

I know this because I procrastinate for Wales. As the national team strives ever forward towards whatever level of success their skills, self-belief and luck dictate, I find that when it comes to putting things off – even the things that I consider to be important – I am Gold Medal Standard.

I am currently involved in a project that I consider to be very important, even ‘legacy-related’. It is something I believe in, wholeheartedly. It relates to the provision of Third Resolution service and it requires Second Resolution competence in communication and time management. Unfortunately, sitting down and getting on with it requires First Resolution self-discipline, and like many procrastinators, that is where lies any failure to get on with it.

Which is not to say that I am not making progress. In recognising that I have a tendency to procrastinate, I also realise that this tendency also creates the ‘opportunity’ to exercise self-discipline and get on my arse and do it. (Deliberate choice of words, it involves sitting at a desk.)

Once a day I have to sit at my computer and do what I both want and have to get done. In our digital world this presents a challenge, because just as the average worker sits at that screen, a tumultuous number of ‘alternative opportunities’ not only arise, but actually demand a change of attention.

The ‘ping’ of a new email, the potential new ‘Breaking News’ which requires repeated visits to the Interweb, only to discover that said Breaking News is, in fact, the same news you heard about an hour ago but which now has a journalist in place confirming that what he said just now was still the case. The stimulus on the screen which sparks in your memory the existence of a ‘to-do’ you had not realised you had, er, to do, until the screen/noise/presence alerted you to it.

All of those things can take seconds to address, but their presence and ‘in your face’ nature pulls you away from that original commitment, and getting back to it takes effort.

In the final analysis, however, it is the execution of self-discipline that cures all this. Turn off the pings, resist the desire to ‘just check on’ the BBC News, shut your office door (a surprisingly effective anti-interruption technique that costs nothing), and GET THE HELL ON WITH IT.

And get on with it particularly if what it is you have to get on with is important, whether to you – or to someone about whom who care.

That last caveat also means that when your wife appears over your shoulder, you really, truly ought to change your focus from the screen to her. Your loved ones should always, ALWAYS be first. If only because, life being what it is, suddenly and unexpectedly they won’t be there to be first anymore.

Which brings me back to procrastination.

I really must stop putting her off when I’m busy ……….

 

For more on Time and Life Management, go HERE for the Kindle book, or HERE for the paperback version of my book.

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The secret to a great relationship. Shut up and Listen!

13 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by threeresolutionsguy in Character and Competence

≈ Comments Off on The secret to a great relationship. Shut up and Listen!

Tags

7 Habits, Clinton, covey, EU Referendum, second resolution, seven habits, Trump

“Listen – lest your tongue will make you deaf.” Stephen R Covey (from an old proverb).

Listening is the hardest skill in the world, for a number of reasons. First of all, it isn’t taught in schools. You are taught three other communication methods – reading, writing, and arithmetic (which is a communications tool, in a sense), but you are only told to listen, but never taught how.

Secondly, we have a tendency to listen only with the intention to reply, to the degree that our reply is yelling inside our head even before the other party has fully made their point. I see this on all political affairs programmes when someone starts to make a point and the (ideologically opposed) other party butts in quite rudely to accuse party one of saying or thinking something they haven’t yet actually disclosed. (It’s also standard fayre in television dramas where the eavesdropper only hears what the drama requires they hear, instead of staying to hear it all – like real people. I digress.)

But hard as it is, it is often quite informative and interesting to just shut the hell up and listen. If the other party has something important to say, it’ll be worth hearing. If they are going to make a fool of themselves then the same applies.

You cannot challenge a party’s thinking if you haven’t taken the time to fully hear and understand what that thinking actually is.

In less combative scenarios, shutting up remains important. I’m writing here about, ahem, domestic situations. Occasionally, when one’s partner starts having a rant about something you are doing, have done or are about to do wrong (usually this applies to a man!), the temptation – oh boy, do I know this – is to react defensively and, to quote the old joke, that’s when the fight starts.

It is occasionally better to let the moment pass, use the gap between stimulus and response to use your self-awareness, imagination, will and conscience and just say nothing. Accompanied by the audibly sucked in sigh, I grant you. But shut up all the same.

Doing that requires competence in the application, but character in the thinking behind it.

As I have espoused here, allowing yourself to stop and think that you may be wrong is a way of developing intellectually. But allowing others the brief belief that you are wrong, when you are not wrong, is a way of ensuring that a relationship stays on course.

Let the moment pass, and let your actions clarify and show the accuracy of your thinking, while at the same time demonstrating sensitivity to the emotional state of the other party.

Not easy. But application of The Second Resolution is a great way to stay married.

For more on The Three Resolutions, go HERE to read the first pages of the book.

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Three Resolutions – and why someone else’s political decision doesn’t make them an idiot.

06 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by threeresolutionsguy in General

≈ Comments Off on Three Resolutions – and why someone else’s political decision doesn’t make them an idiot.

Tags

EU Referendum, principles, three resolutions

“Fear – false evidence appearing real.” Tony Robbins. Among others.

One of the most popular news stories at the moment (in Britain) is the forthcoming EU Referendum, where the populace will be asked whether or not they wish to remain part of the European Union. For those not in the loop, the UK joined the ‘European Economic Community’ in 1973. I was 11. My recollection was that we were joining what was actually termed The Common Market, and the objective was free trade and improved economic relationship. It was not, in my own memory, about the creation of an arguably undemocratic, powerful and authoritative quasi-state which dictated rules and laws on its members. But that is what it became. (I think I may have tipped my hand…..)

One of the major talking points in the In-Out Campaign is the apparent, reported focus by the ‘In’ crowd on raising the spectres of what might/will happen if we leave, which appears to include everything short of war (which the Brits would win because the French would surrender and the Germans would trip over their mullets and we’d bribe the Italians). Every ‘In’ story appears to focus on the negatives of leaving rather than on the positives of staying. The campaign motto seems to be “Frighten the population into opposing change.” If I looked I’m sure I’d see examples of the ‘Out’ Team using fear as well.

Either of which is a betrayal of a belief in people to cope with, face and overcome the unknown. In life, as in this referendum, there are imponderables. We may have authoritative information upon which to make any life decision, we may have beliefs and values that point us, by default or through design, in a certain direction. But ultimately, principles govern and what will be will be. What happens will be the consequence of principles, which in turn will be affected by all sorts of events, most of which we cannot anticipate. Who expected the Tsunami, 9/11, the US earthquakes, and so on? We coped because we had to, and because we also had the benefit of principles that had guided us through disasters before.

Bad example, in a way. Hopefully any exit from (or remaining in) the EU will NOT be a disaster.

But one thing is certain – if we remain through fear, we will continue complaining about the things which dismay us as a country now. If we remain it must be because it is the better option.

We must face the fear that remaining will cause increased integration despite our misgivings. Whatever rules the super-state chooses to impose will be legally enforceable. We do know that it makes our rules and if we remain then rules we don’t anticipate may come into being.

We must face the fear that leaving may have trade implications (can’t see how, most salesmen sell to ANYONE who will buy, and any trade embargo on a democratic state would arguably breach international law but maybe I’m being naïve).

One principle remains true. Whatever happens, there will be consequences (as French chief Francois Hollande put it in his own efforts to frighten us). There will be those consequences we consider ‘good’, and I’m sure there will be those we consider ‘bad’. Whichever ‘side’ you take.

Although if we choose to overcome fear as the false evidence it so often is, I’m sure that the ‘bad’ will be addressed, solutions found, action taken and the ‘bad’ turned into opportunity. And to be frank, nothing changes without facing fear.

Therefore, cards on the table. I’m for ‘Out’ just to see what challenges – and opportunities – result. I will use the Three Resolutions to obey principles, act in accordance with my personal mission statement, continue seeking to be a person of good character and as professional as I can, and to serve those in my circle of influence. No super state can stop me doing that if that is how I choose to live, and no challenge will defeat me if we leave. I will continue to be who I am, wherever and whenever that may be. But the same applies if we remain.

Stephen Covey suggested in the Seven Habits that having an unchangeable core – in this case a personal mission statement – enables us to cope with whatever changes occur around us.

If you think like that, perhaps you’ll also be willing to accept the decisions that don’t go your way, instead of calling the ‘other side’ names for not agreeing with you? For the simple reason that no decision made by others can present any meaningful change on the self-made rules that tell you the way to live YOUR life.

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Three Resolutions – available at Amazon HERE in paperback, or HERE for Kindle.

 

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A bit more on ‘situational ethics’. Sorry.

28 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by threeresolutionsguy in Character and Competence

≈ Comments Off on A bit more on ‘situational ethics’. Sorry.

Tags

Clinton, ethics, EU Referendum, the OSCARS, Trump

This phenomenon of one rule for us and another rule for them exists despite all in authority insisting it should and does not.

I have the honour of representing private investigators at a high level. In general, these are professionals who comply with legal rules, which include not harassing people, not bugging them and complying with the data protection act, which means keeping personal data confidential on pain of a fine or imprisonment, which is as it should be. Our work is focused at obtaining evidence for use by a client, often in a court case, and until such a case is heard the information is kept secure and confidential.

But a press reporter? He can camp outside your front door, obtain information almost any way he likes, shout at and bully you in a doorstep ambush interview and then tell millions of people what is ‘allegedly’ true, ruining your life in the pursuit of profit.

Guess which one is supposed to be licenced and regulated, and which one bleats about even signing a charter that would influence his behaviour – and perchance make it as ethical as the other profession?

And my next bleat about double standards probably takes me back to work, but not just mine.

In many organisational statements I have heard, there was a saying. That was ‘Our people are our most important asset’. I have consistently discovered in my own experience that there is a caveat to that declaration that dare not be spoken. The full statement reads, ‘Our people are our most important asset – but we can’t trust them an inch. We have to monitor, measure, threaten and cajole to make sure they do what we tell them’.

This kind of measurement approach has created many amusing and unexpected side effects. In the policing sector they introduced a system whereby a key performance indicator was how quickly a 999 operator answered a 999 call. Easy to establish – just create a computer system which monitors when the phone starts ringing, and when the receiver is lifted. Hey presto, we answer all 999 calls within 2 seconds. Hurrah!

So what happens when the 999 call is picked up in 2 seconds and then the phone is immediately slammed down again? Not that that ever happened, but the original goal remains achieved. Success! More soberly, what happened when a swiftly picked up 999 call was poorly dealt with – major investigation. What happened when a 999 phone call was picked up in the dread 2.5 seconds? Major investigation, disciplinary action, gnashing of teeth, etc. Meetings asking how this could possibly happen, how we can improve the attitude of those damnable staff, how can we automate the sub-2 second method?

And all the time, people try to find ways of making the goal appear achieved, without doing the work that was intended. I remember that as a result of some sterling police work in one town, no bicycles were ever stolen. No crime complaint was ever submitted to show a bike had been nicked. That said, people in the area lost hundreds of bikes. A different matter altogether and one which was never, ever measured.

Ultimately, all that I have said so far is about ethics, how people behave, or are supposed to behave.

I have a theory, and it is this. When you put an adjective in front of the word ‘ethics’, you immediately declare you have no ethics at all. For me, ethical behaviour means telling the truth, being open and honest and above board, and seeking the truth. Putting the word ‘legal’ in front of it allows you to vehemently protect a dodgy client from the truth, and even use disingenuous terms – no, let’s call it lying – to further hide it. Let’s not talk of banking ethics, where HSBC protected drug lords and terrorists until caught out. Let’s not talk of press ethics, where ‘freedom of the press’ is confused by the press ‘taking liberties’.

However, on that last point, the one thing that really dismays me is that without those what I would call ‘breaches’ of ethics, the systems within which those common ethics are breached wouldn’t work. If lawyers couldn’t pretend their clients were innocent the courts would clog up because no criminal would use a lawyer. The banks wouldn’t be used by terrorists and we’d have no way at all of finding their money. The press wouldn’t, on the rare occasions that they do so, be able to open our eyes to matters of true concern – as opposed to what Kim and Khloe are wearing or not wearing this week.

Readers – when it comes to fairness and ethical behaviour, sometimes I reckon we are too clever. And at other times, I reckon we just aren’t clever enough.

 

 

 

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The easiest thing to make in the world. Excuses. I claim patent……

22 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by threeresolutionsguy in Discipline

≈ Comments Off on The easiest thing to make in the world. Excuses. I claim patent……

Tags

Donald Trump, EU Referendum, Mission Statement, mission statement; PMS; Three resolutions; self-discipline;, pms, self-discipline, three resolutions

It’s been one of those days. I had a plan, and I intended to keep to it. Then something ‘important and urgent’ came up, which justified the distracted attention that it received. Not to mention the urgent, new email thread that warranted immediate responses.

But then all those other things that were waiting for my focus started shouting at me, including responsibility for walking the dog I dearly love, which I didn’t want, and which I bought for the son who has now got full time work and studies.

Once that was done it really felt that the working day was over. I still had some things left on my ‘to do list’ – and the fresh, new recipe, updated and richly wrapped packet of ‘Excuso’ was nearly opened. I considered three helpings:

“There are only 8 hours left before bedtime and I need to rest.”

“That task can wait for tomorrow – it’ll still get completed ‘just in time’.”

“Another day without exercising won’t matter all that much, will it?”

Thank goodness for the ever-present, “in my planner, on my phone, secured to my wrist and wrapped around my neck” reminders that I have a Personal Mission Statement, one that requires and urges action towards completion those self-designed, values-driven responsibilities that I placed on myself.

I may never get everything done that needs to be done. But I am a lot closer to coming through on the commitments I make to myself (and often to others) because of that document, a document to which I regularly discover myself referring.

This week it even surprised me. I had a commitment to run, in keeping with my Running Programme. Owing to injury I have had to ease back to a level lower than that at which I ran the Baker2Vegas Relay (nearly 12 months ago!), and the programme said ’20 minutes’. That day I reviewed the PMS and came up with the new Latin heading and tagline you would now see on this page, as a result of which I popped out and ran 4.5 miles/40 minutes. Double the intention. And I did the same the next day, which was supposed to be a rest day.

The Personal Mission Statement. A document which occasionally inspires, always instructs, and occasionally brow-beats.

Whatever works.

It’s about time you had one, don’t you think?

For advice on how to write your PMS, buy The Three Resolutions at Amazon.

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