Tag Archives: conscience

A Personal Observation on My Goals Planning for 2022. Do you have the same challenges?

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Years ago I read the book ‘Your Best Year Yet’ by Jinny Ditzler, who sadly passed away last year. In a nutshell (because it’s a lot deeper than the following might suggest), she proposed that every year you go through a process of examining past success and failures, identifying what you learned from both. From that learning you consider looking at life through a new paradigm, and list three (could be more but not too many) Personal Guidelines for the next 12 months. Only after you’ve done that should you then identify your roles, values – and ten goals for that period. It’s called a BYY Plan.

(I’ve written before about ‘only’ having term goals and ‘what to do when you’ve only got 5 left and loads of time.)

Anyway, I have been doing that on and off for a while (and amending the list every time I complete one or more goals on that list) and this year was no exception. Except I wasn’t feeling the love. It’s 4 weeks in to 2022 and after a spectacular start I was feeling unmotivated. So what was wrong? I decided to look at last year’s BYY Plan.

Last year went well. I had a list, and one of my Guidelines was ‘Make Hard Choices and Act’. That was possibly the best one. Many’s the time I read that and went out and exercised, or pushed myself a bit harder, or did something towards a goal that I otherwise would have avoided. And I would guestimate I completed on well over 80% of the goals I set for my 60th year. I rewrote books, requalified as an advanced driving mentor, and drove three racing circuits of the four I planned, only being defeated when my brakes developed a fault and, let’s be frank, a race circuit is one place you need good brakes. I completed on a few procrastinated house development plans, and generally succeeded all over the place.

So why not this year, so far?

First of all, I realised that some of my goals were a bit vague. Well-intended, but vague. They needed sub-goals to make any sense, or just needed more specificity than I’d initially stated. (30 years of receiving AND giving SMART Goals input and I still screw up….)

Second, I realised that some were the goals you’re ‘supposed’ to have. Which means they weren’t really mine, they were someone else’s.

And third, I set the bar way too high. I decided to ride my bike 100 miles a week. For three weeks (and one day, to be honest) I did exactly that. And I felt absolutely wrecked, bored, unmotivated. The time it took out of each day among all the other commitments I made was mentally wearing.

And one goal was a combination of both the ‘someone else’ and ‘high bar’ faults, and it was debilitating mentally as I struggled with the effort of trying to meet it while not really wanting to. I’d walk the dog and the whole hour was my conscience debating ‘can I?’ ‘can’t I?’ and ‘How do I/Should I get out of it?’

In the end, I chose to disappoint the someone else, and in fairness they didn’t try to talk me back around, and respected my decision. It’s great to have understanding friends.

Anyway, long story short, today is the day I address all those errors and create a plan that is still challenging, but which I want to do as well. For example, one of my guidelines read ‘Exercise relentless self-discipline’. It may seem soft, but that word ‘relentless’ was causing mental and physical pain. Every time I didn’t train because of the motivation/physiological challenges, it just added more pain. Just removing that word is going to make the plan easier to execute without excusing laziness, for example. And if you’re being truly relentless, some things have to give way to other things, which in itself pulls at the conscience, which drives you nuts.

I know I promote self-discipline on this site, but in my book The Three Resolutions I address exactly when self-discipline becomes self-defeating, so my integrity remains intact!

So I recommend Jinny’s book (after you’ve read mine 😊) because properly executed in a considered way the Best Year Yet Plan I made for 2021 resulted in the best year I’ve had in quite a while.

And I was faster than the Stig around Castle Combe Race Circuit. (have I mentioned that before?)

(I admit that’s Anglesey Circuit and not Castle Combe, but I haven’t any pics of that day. Sorry.)

Decisions, Decisions. (On doing the right thing.)

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I was at a meeting last night, and the subject was Guidance – where do you find it? The trainer suggested that there were 5 sources to which you can turn when faced with a decision, or more accurately a momentous decision, the settling of which will have massive impact on ‘what happens next’ in the particular scenario with which you may be struggling at any time. Note that I said impact – the event leading to the decision may seem quite trivial, but your decision on how to deal with it will create the result you want, the outcome you need (which may be completely different), or a complete mash up mess.

The sources included reference material, social and professional peers, and previous practices or protocols. But the one that made me sit up with interest is arguably the most important one, and relates to the Second Resolution, or more specifically the second part.

The decision might well go through all of the assessment sources identified in the previous paragraph: what does the book say, what do my colleagues, supervisors and other human resources suggest I should do, and what is the current practice as laid down in page 457, paragraph 3 sub-section 2 of that manual we all say we’ve read but have actually never been able to find. And after going through that systematic(!?) approach, we arrive at the final guidance criteria, the one relating to that Resolution, and the one which causes the most trouble. And that assessment question is….

“Is it the RIGHT thing to do?”

The problem may have technical solution. It may have a protocol supporting the policy supporting the law supporting the organisation. Your friends may think it’s best. But in your heart, there is doubt.

If that is the case, you need to ask that last question and decide whether your conscience will let you do something you know isn’t right (or as right as it could be), but you’ll keep your job and reputation; or whether you’re prepared to act in all conscience, breach a protocol or practice, risk offending your peers and be absolutely content that what you did was clearly in keeping with your own personal value system, and extrinsic principles.

Not easy.

I hope that where I’ve been faced with such decisions in my past that I usually made the right choice. No doubt there have been occasions when I know I’ve done what I was told to do, in contravention of what I thought I should do, but that was often the result of a direct order by someone with more experience, knowledge (and power) than me. But in one situation that comes to mind as I write this, I was able to communicate my distaste for the execution of the instruction.

It isn’t easy fighting for what’s right. There are always consequences. But it’s a lot easier than fighting your conscience over something you did that you knew wasn’t right. You have to weight the consequences of every decision, right or wrong. You may have to weigh them up for a long time.

But while you wrestle with your feelings over what you decided and what you did, don’t forget to consider that other alternative: how would you feel if you hadn’t stood up for what was right?

Don’t focus on the problems created by acting correctly, in accordance with your conscience, values and personal character.

Focus instead on the personal integrity you demonstrated. People can see it, even if they rarely point it out.

Turn the volume up to 11.

28 Sunday Aug 2016

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“The needle of our conscience is as good a compass as any.” Ruth Wolff

I write about Conscience in some detail in my book The Three Resolutions. I write about how a conscience is developed and how we all have one, even the criminals amongst us. I also write about how, in identifying our most important priorities and values, we can utilise that inner voice to direct us in our daily activities. The conscience is a core ingredient of our character.

When we listen to our conscience, we live lives of peace and productivity. When we ignore it, we feel guilt, angst, and occasionally some confusion.

Yet ignore it we so often do. We actively seek to stifle it when something potentially pleasurable presents itself to us. We don’t want to miss out on that attractive experience, and so we ignore the conscience, or turn its volume down to 1. To add to the stifling effect, we raise the volume on the ‘Why I CAN do/have this’ button, to make sure we can hear what is calling us forward to the psycho-hypocrisy that is about to occur. We find a rational excuse for what we are about to do and lie to ourselves. As Covey put it, we tell ourselves Rational-lies. Then, immediately or soon after we execute on the lie we just told ourselves, we feel that pang of guilt.

Conscience does not go away.

No, I am not a saint and I am as guilty of this as anyone. Perhaps more so, in the sense that as a writer on the subject I find myself doing it when perhaps I ought to be setting an example. I am often extremely conscious of that expression, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”

On the plus side, however, this knowledge and understanding arguably presents me with a better opportunity for positive change, eventually. Those who don’t realise what they are doing have no motive to change. They don’t know that they can.

Funny thing is, they will spend a lot of time justifying their poor behaviour. They will argue quite strongly and loudly that the behaviour they are displaying is okay, for some reason or other. (Good examples are smoking and drinking.)

The funniest thing about their shouting is because they know while they are doing it, they (and I quote), “ignore the conscience, or turn its volume down to 1. To add to the stifling effect, they raise the volume on the ‘Why I CAN do/have this’ button, to make sure they and we can hear what is calling them forward to the psycho-hypocrisy that is occurring.”

Now where have I read that, before?

The voice louder than Donald Trump’s – and just as often ignored.

05 Sunday Jun 2016

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“By polluting clear water with slime, you will never find good drinking water again.” Aeschylus

Little white lies. Secret vices. Professing one set of values while living another. Spending several years decrying the playing of political games by senior managers and then, on promotion, suddenly ‘seeing’ the truth and joining in instead of challenging those very behaviours that angered you yesterday.

These are examples of the polluting slime that destroys us from the inside. Like cancer is an organism that feeds on its host until the very source of its nutrition dies and kills the cancer that needed it, this psychological slime chips away at our ability to act in accordance with our stated beliefs and values until we are no longer the person we seek to become.

The sad part is that we let it happen. Instead of listening to our conscience – actively listening – we stamp on its voice in preference for the convenience and happiness of the moment, of the immediate gratification. We justify the pie, the cigarette, the alcohol, even the drugs in a ‘one time won’t hurt’ approach. And at that moment, our conscience shouts, “OY! Don’t be STUPID!” And we go ahead and do it anyway.

One amusing experience I had was a woman I worked with walking out of a shop with a refill for her e-cigarette in one hand, and 20 Benson and Hedges King Size in the other. Two years later she proudly told me she hadn’t smoked ‘for a week’. DUH!

It is simple. No, I rephrase that, based on experience. It is simple; knowing what to do when it needs to be done is intellectually simple. Doing the right thing in the moment is a lot harder.

One day last week I decided to start eating salads in work, and declined the kind offer of a chocolate muffin. The very next day, the muffin-pusher walked in to the office to find me tucking in to two – yes, two – Steak slices, bought in a hurried lunch-buying trip to the very same supermarket from which I’d bought the salad.

I did so feeling guilty, and I did so knowing that I was polluting my body with saturated fats – and my mind with the slime of excuse, convenience – and failure.

Teachers used to have a phrase they wrote on many a student’s report card, and one which we should all recall and reinforce in our lives when it comes to listening to our conscience, and living in accordance with what we believe, and what we promote. Three words.

MUST TRY HARDER.

Join me in doing that, this week.

Go on – learn more by reading this book.

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Stand by! Stand by! That day is coming – be ready. SET GOALS NOW!!!

27 Sunday Dec 2015

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I am willing to be that you, like me, will start the New Year with a whole list of goals and a basketful of good intentions. Even as I write this I am using the Three Resolutions goal sheet to create the plans that represent the goals that represent the strategies that I have for the next 12 months. I do so in the knowledge that some will be achieved, some will be progressed but not completed – and others may fail. That is in the nature of ‘life’ and certainly in the nature of sport. (Don’t get me started on why a manager gets sacked when the players are failing, when ultimately if no-one failed we’d have a very boring sports channel.)

Life is full of challenges, obstacles and interruptions that stop, delay or cause us to change, our goals. If life didn’t do that we wouldn’t need goals and we certainly wouldn’t need plans. Most of life’s hiccoughs we overcome, by pass, tunnel under or just smash to one side. A wall, a diversion, whatever gets in our way, we address and vanquish.

But the biggest of those life challenges is, unfortunately for is, very intimate. It knows us only too well, knows which buttons to press and really focuses on pressing them. It really does play to our weaknesses, if we let it. That challenge is (come on, you know this by now….)

Us.

On January the 1st a lot of us will declare that we will exercise more and will eat less. And, as Hyrum put it, by 1.30pm we’re sat in the fridge. The Reticular Activating System, which normally serves us with identifying our goal opportunities, now backfires. Now that ‘food’ is a non-goal, the RAS still kicks in and identifies food opportunities whenever it sees something that sparks its well-trained alarm system. Bless it, it doesn’t realise that we don’t want to see those opportunities. We seem unable to communicate to the RAS – which doesn’t listen – that what we wanted once we no longer want. The RAS doesn’t understand DON’T or WON’T. When we say ‘I don’t want food’ it hears ‘I want food.’ Even if it’s not that clever, it hears, notices and echoes ‘food’ right back at us. With a cheery grin.

That’s when Resolution 1 needs to be strong. It’s when we have to rely on our consciousness of our conscience, and make a firm decision NOT to do something our psyche aches for.

Overcome your appetites and passions from the very first day, the very first moment you decide what you want. Overcome that tendency to settle for the easy road, which you can coast along but doesn’t necessarily get you from where you are to where you want to be.

Now, having gone a**e over t%t when a dog did a Diego Costa on me during my run yesterday, slamming an already weakened wrist, an elbow, a hip and an only-just-repaired knee into the tarmac, I have a decision to make today. Resolution 1 says RUN. Only if my conscience genuinely believes that more repair is needed, should I delay the routine, long Sunday run. If, on the other hand, the pain of the road rash is gone and the knee remains as it is as I write this entry – then off I will go this afternoon. I have two goals that depend upon me doing my very best.

Will you listen to your conscience as you write down and then execute on your 2016 goals? Don’t write down a goal you know, in your heart, you will fail to execute. That way lies persistent failure and lowered self-esteem. Find and set a goal that challenges you to exercise self-discipline – or self-denial – and execute on it from Day 1.

Your character will develop as a by-product and that can’t be bad, can it?

You can be as GRRRREEEEATT! as Frosties.

11 Sunday Oct 2015

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“When we exercise the courage to set AND ACT on goals that are connected to principles and conscience we tend to achieve positive results.” Covey/Merrill, ‘First Things First’

And this was brought home to me this week, in two ways.

First of all, I have been establishing a training and coaching business (see this page ) and the business model involves making calls to business to seek their help in my provision of a keynote talk on overcoming procrastination, a talk after which I invite the attendees to come to a formal programme. I may have mentioned before that I hate making telephone calls at the best of times, so making unsolicited calls at the end of which I may be rejected was, shall I say, challenging?

But I set the goals (probably months ago, to be frank!) to make said calls this week and, ennobled by a colleague’s own success in making an approach to estate agencies, I did the same. I made a list of local agents and worked through them.

I was not called names. I did not die a horrible death. I overcame my dread (okay, it’s not facing a horde of Zulus but I have been spared that horror because some braver men did it for me in 1879) and established a positive experience that will serve me in the future. I also salved the conscience that’s been shouting at me to act. Lesson taught, and learning accepted.

But there was an added lesson. As I was making these calls my son walked in on me. He is involved in a college course, part of which requires him to do 300 hours relevant work experience. He is a shy lad, but owing to the desire to get the work (farming) and the failure of the college to provide any meaningful assistance, he has had to overcome that reluctance to deal with people and he has spent the week touring farms, talking to strangers and asking them for help. He appears to have met with some success.

And the bombshell – having nagged him to get out and put himself about because that’s what we coaches do, he looked me right in the eye as I put the phone down on a call and said, “Now you know how I feel.”

Boom! Right in the conscience, son! Twist that verbal knife! (And impress me with your wisdom.)

And was he right? Damn right he was right!

When we overcome our fears, however small and illogical, we make ourselves something better than we were before. It might only be a little bit ‘better’ but as Emerson said, “Little by little we build our power.” I remember my first public speaking effort. I was asked just to introduce myself. I got up and burbled for two minutes, then sat down – desperately wanting another go! That ‘little’ built so much power in two minutes.

Every time we leave our comfort zone, regardless of the results, we grow. So does the zone, so we have to stretch further the next time we want to leave it. Occasionally we don’t only enter the ‘stretch zone’ that sits immediately outside the comfort zone. Occasionally we are shoved mercilessly into the Panic Zone. And when we emerge from there, battered and bloodied (or even unscathed) we are all the greater for having been there.

Seek your greatness. Stretch yourself. Listen to your conscience and your Unifying Principles and, when the opportunity arises or life asks you to comply with them – do so.

It’s fantastic.

The Tax Debate – an observation.

15 Sunday Feb 2015

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“Conscience not only puts us in touch with our own uniqueness, it also connects us with the universal true-north principles that create quality of life.” Stephen R Covey

I’m a little amused by all the posturing currently undertaken by both sides in the UK political arena about tax avoidance. For those who don’t know, the allegations are that some donors to political parties use various lawful loopholes to avoid paying income tax.

I have plenty to say about tax in general, but the arguments being made in this particular ‘debate’ are that people are using lawful means to avoid paying tax and this is ‘morally wrong’. Labour politicians are screaming about Conservative donors doing it, while the Conservatives and the press are now attacking Labour donors for doing the same thing. Both sides are derisive (publicly) of anyone who ‘does not pay their fair share of tax’ – whatever that is.

And of course not long ago MPs on both sides were using exactly the same justification – lawfulness – to claim nonsensical allowances to inflate their wallets. BOTH SIDES. Hundreds of them.

If they listened to their consciences they wouldn’t have made the claims in the first place. If they listened to their consciences they would stop misspending money taken in tax. If they listened to their consciences we’d have an altogether better political ‘class’.

Conscience is class-less. It speaks the truth – every child who knows they’ve done wrong is aware of that.

Politicians – perhaps you should remember that.

Time is a reality, but not an excuse.

04 Sunday Jan 2015

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“Be controlled by your internal compass, not by some clock on a wall.” Stephen R Covey

But be controlled by something other than fate, luck, other people or circumstances.

By ‘internal compass’ Dr Covey was essentially writing about your conscience, that still, small voice that tells you when you are veering off course. I say ‘small’ voice, but to be frank it often shouts, quite clearly, “OY! What do you think you are doing! That’s not what you said you would do! That isn’t what you want to achieve! That goes against all common sense, you fool!”

And you ignore it, take the drink/cake/day at the gym and then feel guilty about it.

I’ll not bang on – you should have (by now) decided on your values and goals and be fully aware, thanks to conscience, when you are and are not compliant.

But the next challenge is the Clock. The clock which directs you to do something or be somewhere by a specific time. That is a driving factor that tries to shout down conscience more often than you might think.

“I haven’t got time to go to the gym/prepare and eat a healthy meal/talk about your pressing problem because I have to do X.” Provided that ‘X’ is values/mission oriented and MUST be done because it is time sensitive, then that is okay. It is ‘true’.

If, on the other hand, it is something that is nothing more than time sensitive but does NOT have a mission relevance, then you are submitting yourself to a false paradigm – that urgent means important. It doesn’t. It only means that you have set a time limit, and that time limit is often a mirage. You may have decided it ‘must’ be done at a certain time, but in truth it does not unless it involves other people who are reliant upon you being somewhere at some time. Like a dentist. Who’ll probably run late (s**t happens) but still needs you to be sat waiting in his reception area rather than doing something slightly more important that might delay him a few minutes.

I’ll be fair. Life happens. Punctuality and time sensitivity is a reality. But it is not an excuse to be used when you’re trying to shout down your conscience, is it?

Weekly Challenge

Write and comply with your Unifying Principles and Mission Statement if you haven’t already domes so. If you have, evaluate your performance against your words and see if you need to tweak your behaviour to get back on track, or improve on your performance to date. If you are wholly congruent, great!

Blog Part

I’ve not written much about ‘me’ since the start of December, so here’s an update. I’ve injured my leg and despite 3 weeks of rest it still isn’t right – Achilles tendinosis I suspect – but I am still hopeful that my night-time run through Death Valley in March is still a goer. Like many, I’ve put weight on over Christmas – 3 whole English pounds – but I’ve already lost two and half of them since, using the same strategies (SlimFast). Principles that work, keep working.

Oy! Are you listening, or what?!

22 Monday Dec 2014

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“Without conscience, there is no peace.” Stephen R Covey

Today, I shall keep it really simple.

Why do we do things that don’t serve us? Because we ignore our conscience.

Why do we do good things when perhaps we don’t feel like it? Because we listen to our conscience.

My conscience made me go running even when I really wasn’t in the mood, and as a consequence I lost 3 stone.

My conscience helped me lose weight. I now, finally, have peace in that department.

What will you achieve if you listen to yours? And what personal peace/satisfaction/justified pride will you obtain as a result?

Just sayin’.

The Roadblocks to Inner Peace

28 Friday Nov 2014

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“Two of the most deadly roadblocks to peace are discouragement and pride.” Stephen r Covey/A. Roger Merrill.

In the book First Things First these two authors, along with Rebecca Merrill, opined that discouragement (literally lack of courage, as defined in that book) is a result of building life on an illusion rather than principle. It occurs most saliently when we are tired, angry, disappointed – in other words, when our focus on our mission is diluted by emotion. Instead of acting in accordance with our mission we excuse poor performance in the name of those emotional challenges, and ‘rational-lies’ our behaviour. The illusion is in the excuse.

Pride, in this context, stops us from behaving in accordance with our mission because Pride lies to us and tells us that our disciplined sacrifice may, in the moment, provide us with ‘less’ while providing someone else with ‘more’. It is a state of mind that in the moment seems to satisfy our ego (you now have something), while in the less obvious and longer term it also teaches us that someone, somewhere will have more than we have. By virtue of our pridefully thinking that we have the opportunity to obtain or do something ‘great’ and making a decision based on that pride, we accidentally accept that something else is greater, and in time we realise that we don’t have that. Peace is impossible when you spend your life looking for an illusory ‘better’.

Peace, inner peace, has been defined by Hyrum W. Smith as “having serenity, balance and harmony in your life through the appropriate control of events.” As events include every decision we make (and the consequences), it makes sense that one way to develop inner peace is through controlling events – by controlling each decision we make and by making sure that those decisions are based on compliance with our personal values and our mission statements. When we do that, inner peace is incubated because our conscience is not reminding us that we aren’t compliant with our chosen principles.

So to gain ‘inner peace’, make sure that you have identified your own Unifying Principles and that you make your decisions wholly with them in mind.

Act with courage – overcome the emotion of the moment and consider the greater emotion of the future peace. Act without pride – remember that what you gain from compliance with your principles is priceless. No-one has greater possession of personal value congruency. They either have it all, or they have none. You have it all – or you have none.