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Einstein had a point.

15 Sunday Jan 2017

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Einstein (or the Chinese, or anyone that writers want to quote without actually looking it up) suggested that ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result’.

That being so, I am going to disappoint my fan and stop blogging for a while because the shortage of interest in the blog, allied to the complete lack of clicks on the ‘sales’ part of my website, suggest it’s time to move on to a different approach.

I’m gaining an hour a week. 🙂

 

Happy New Opportunity

01 Sunday Jan 2017

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Bad news, everyone.

If you are going to have a happy 2017, YOU are going to have to make it happen.

The good news is – Mike Oldfield is bringing out a new album.

The other good news is that you CAN make 2017 a great year regardless of what happens to you IF you follow one rule.

Act in complete congruence with your personal code of conduct – Act with Integrity.

All the time. For every decision. No excuses.

That does not mean being a martyr. It just means deciding that in everything you do, you will act in accordance with your personal value system, unifying principles, credo, mission or code of conduct. You know what your rules are, and you know when you break them.

There will be times when bending them is permissible because of the prevailing circumstances. Remember that while you have no control over outside events, you DO have control over how you respond. Sometimes, the response you must provide may not be the one you would like to execute because the external circumstances simply won’t allow it. When that happens, you are not ‘failing’ to live with Integrity – you are just stuck with having to do something else, something slightly less perfect. Don’t focus on things you can’t do anything about – do the best you can and move on to the next opportunity to act congruently.

This is harder than it sounds because of those external influences on our lives, but each negative event is a chance to pause and decide not to be dictated to by emotion, ideology, your past, or other people’s expectations. It is a chance to decide ‘I choose to act differently’ and then to act on that better choice. Our past, and the lessons we learned are powerful influences over our decision-making but they need not dictate our response. We tend to overlook that it was seeing things differently that made our lives better, whether it was through education, experience or bitter regret. Instead of allowing those bad things to teach us by waiting for them to happen, we can instead prepare for bad things well in advance by deciding, using our self-awareness and imagination, how we will deal with them.

I sometimes wonder why, when my parents passed away, I did not collapse in tears. I loved them both dearly, but as they passed away there was some sense of ‘that’s the way it is’ within me, and with hindsight I think it was my values system and my study of Stephen Covey’s works that meant that what was happening wasn’t disaster, but a natural event that emotional collapse wouldn’t change. I waited until the funerals to shed a tear, yet even then did so quietly. I also suspect that dealing with death in a professional capacity took the edge off dealing with their deaths because ‘death’ wasn’t something unfamiliar. I only hope that those close to me didn’t think it cold – it was just that sadness is less of a curse to me than anger!

(Stop moping.)

2016 was bloody awful. (Outside of all the saintly drug addicts, alcoholics and other celebrities that warranted angst when they passed away.) And one of the reasons that it was awful (for me) is that I allowed myself to lose control, on one occasion so badly that it really sobered me up for weeks afterwards.

I fervently intend that 2017 will be a different lesson – where I truly role model that which I believe in, and teach. Like a comedian who is privately depressed, I feel like the personal development trainer who knows his stuff but manifestly fails to perform it. And I encourage you, dear reader, to do differently.

Every time you know you should be doing something but seek out excuses – decide to do it. Whenever you’re about to do something you know undermines your better intentions – decide NOT to do it. It only takes the time needed to take the reluctant action, or to step away from the event that impedes your success. It can be less than one second. One second that lies between guilt – and higher self-esteem. But execute, then repeat.

Decide on your purpose/mission/unifying principles and work damn hard at making it easy to act in their accord by making your decisions absolutely congruent with what you believe, and accepting those moments when you can’t. That’s my intention for 2017.

Happy New Year.

 

 

People don’t like being told what to think. Think for yourself.

13 Sunday Nov 2016

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“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.” Stephen R Covey

Despite the uninformed dismissiveness of friends and foe I have, for the past 20-odd years, been an advocate of the 7 Habits ‘philosophy’ – not a good word but it’s short. People who deride the awfully-named ‘self-help’ genre and therefore who have never taken a moment to understand it, suggest that the field, and the 7 Habits book in particular, have the intention of restricting my (their) thinking. Of course, some fields like Scientology and cults do just that, but the essential difference between what my friends think and the actuality is this: the 7 Habits do not in any way tell you what to think. What it does is tell you is that you can think, and provides a framework you can apply to thinking. But what you think is entirely up to you.

I write this week’s blog following the election of The Donald to the Presidency of the USA. Last night, following (arguably) anti-democratic and violent protests by people deriding ‘hate politics’ – the irony escapes them – I watched a YouTube vignette you can see here (pardon the ad). In it, the speaker tells the politicians that the reason DT was elected was because the people had realised that the ‘liberal elite’ (read socialists-with-a-small-s and their supporters) had been telling us what we can think, and what we can say, for so long that the electorate said “enough!”. He suggested that attacks on those who held and proffered thoughts other than the politically-correct had given rise to a backlash. People were being viciously and loudly attacked for having the temerity to hold and verbalise a different opinion for so long, that they spoke out in the ballot box. They voted, “STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO THINK!”

I agree. I suspect that the (quote Fox News, for a laugh) the ‘mainstream liberal media’ had spent so much time attacking DT that ‘the people’ decided to stop being told what to think, and to ‘think’ and therefore ‘do’ the opposite, perhaps out of spite for the media. I don’t know if this is so, but as the guy who sometimes likes the underdog to win, this constant ‘look what he did!’ approach just pushes me to think the opposite. I suspect the US electorate felt the same.

Which takes me to the quote and tone of this post.

Contrary to the political elite’s apparent view, I DO have the choice on what to think. Habit 1 is about being proactive and realising there IS a choice, and I can use a lot of things to make that choice.

And if I am left alone to think it WITHOUT being attacked for thinking things, eventually I can use my self-awareness, independent will, creative imagination and conscience to decide what is right and what is wrong, for myself.

I don’t need to be lectured, I need to be informed and encouraged. I don’t need to be attacked, I need evidence. I don’t need to be shouted down, I need to be heard. And above all, to hear you I need to know that YOU understand what you are saying and that it is objective, that it is not just a dogmatic ideology (well-meant or not), one which you have not objectively tested but to which you slavishly adhere.

That’s the odd reason why, even though I don’t like Jeremy Corbyn’s politics, I can respect him because he truly believes them, while I cannot respect Diane Abbott because she espouses socialism and quality education for all while sending her own kids to private school.

I will question the ‘thinking ability’ of anyone who is slavishly adherent to a ‘side’ in politics. And I will listen to anyone who is willing to change their mind. For example, I ‘hated’ UK gay-rights activist Peter Tatchell for a long time – not because he was gay but because of his confrontational tactics. But I saw him last week defending the right of Irish bakers NOT to be forced by the Irish courts to contravene their values in wanting to not bake a pro-gay marriage cake. That demonstrated thinking. Quality thinking. I can now respect, even admire him.

Use the gap – use your brain. Don’t be told what to think. Think properly, so that you can be sure that what you think is right.

Energise your Drudgery

18 Sunday Sep 2016

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“Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.” Anton Chekhov

Never a truer word. I have noticed of late a peculiar state of personal being that I find both bemusing and annoying. I get out of bed on a work day, amble around muttering to myself how tired I am, and walking around slowly as my body warms up. Then any walk from car to appointment is equally labour-intensive.

But when I have a personal, mission-related activity that needs getting done – I walk quickly, for long periods, around a town centre where I bemoan everyone else – because they are ambling around, suddenly stopping in the doorway as they leave a shop (are they so amazed that there is an ‘outside’ that they forget what it was they were going to do next?), or just not looking where they are (barely) going. How very dare act they as I did when I felt like that?

Chekhov was right – routine wears you down, excitement overcomes the largesse of ‘just living’.

How can we use that observation? Two things come to mind.

  1. Whatever excites you usually relates to your values, mission and sense of meaning.
  2. We have a tendency to forget about the meaning that exists in just living.

The first reason needs no explanation (but here goes). When we are doing something we are passionate about, we don’t get tired or bored. We may find some of the activities tiresome, but knowing our purpose we make allowances and muddle through the tedious tasks.

The second reason needs addressing. It relates to the Third Resolution, where we overcome aspiration and ambition in an effort to serve a noble purpose.

Most people view ‘service’ as the provision of something extra, something inconvenient or some financial or time-generous act that serves people other than ourselves, or our families.

I don’t. I view service to others as including service to our families, which means that (when I remember that!) any activity, even routine, that serves my family invokes within me just a little bit of passion and a little burst of energy. As a 60/70s child my past was “Dad works, Mum looks after the home” background. By chance rather than design, that’s how I have lived my own married life. So when I pick up a broom/vacuum cleaner or duster, I get energised because I am serving my family by maintaining a nurturing environment. (Friends reading this are now peeing themselves laughing….)

Overcome the un-energising effect of routine drudgery by recognising when you are doing it for someone else, and realise that even small things matter to others. Even when you do feel worn out, it’s a much happier feeling.

Time to step up – and this time I mean ME.

10 Sunday Jul 2016

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I was reading Black Hole Focus by Dr Isaiah Hankel this week, having scanned it in bookshops and considered the content as ‘readable’. Truth is, it’s a bit Anthony Robbins so far, in that the ideas and methods reflect the Big Man’s methods and ideas. That’s not necessarily a negative criticism because if a method or philosophy works then any personal development book will have the same stuff in it. (Which is why I really must stop buying them….)

(BTW, in my defence there is a systematic structure to the philosophy of The Three Resolutions so it is a bit of a lot different.)

One of the concepts Hankel suggests we use is to ‘Name Your Purpose’, which resonates with me as a proponent of Personal Mission Statements. It’s about creating an identity for what you want to achieve, so that it becomes a little more real to you and to your subconscious.

As you know, the name I use for my long term mission statement is the Three Resolutions, but this week I began to seek an outcome which I also named, called the Mastery 55 Project.

In December I turn 55, and my poorly restrained human failings have led me to gain weight, a whole stone in 12 months. (Mainly over Christmas…..) I’ve also developed a less than frenetic work ethic, so even though I do all that is required of me there is a personal sense that I could be getting a lot more done, as mastery and expertise on the TV programme The West Wing is not necessarily a valuable life skill. And I am prone to impatience. (that sentence is quite long enough, dammit!)

Therefore, despite my preaching about character and integrity, I feel I am not walking my own talk. Hence the project, through which I intend to lose all my gained weight, recapture a higher level of physical fitness, increase my productivity, regain that sense of calm and just become ‘better’ by my 55th birthday.

I am tweeting through @mastery55project and a blog can be accessed through the above link, or here if you can’t go back that far. (See patience.)

The project has a its own name, but it does not replace my mission statement as much as it serves it in specific areas, particularly the self-discipline, First Resolution element.

We all, except the saints, veer off course occasionally. It’s how quickly we are willing to correct our course and get back on the right road.

And one method I am using to reinforce my intent is to review my own book, The Three Resolutions! The best way YOU can keep me honest is to read it and challenge me to live by it.

You are my accountability partners. Thank you.

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Why I ‘HATE’ Mindfulness

19 Saturday Mar 2016

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Mindfulness is defined by that source of truth, Wikipedia, thus: “In this (Buddhist) context mindfulness is defined as moment-by-moment awareness of thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, characterized mainly by “acceptance” – attention to thoughts and feelings without judging whether they are right or wrong. Mindfulness focuses the human brain on what is being sensed at each moment, instead of on its normal rumination on the past or on the future.”

In essence then, and to be extremely simplistic, mindfulness is chillin’ and living in the moment. It is escape from the influence of ‘things’ and ‘stuff’ that clutter our mind in the moment. It is removal of the spirit from having to deal with the interference of ‘life’. In that sense, it can be a valuable tool in dealing with said clutter.

But I find ‘Mindfulness’ to be exceptionally annoying for two reasons.

The first one is because at any one time, in WH Smith (a UK bookseller) on their Personal Development shelf you will find up to 26 different titles on the subject. I once joked that I was going to write a Mindfulness book but everyone else already had! Some of the titles are even quite amusing:

‘Mindfulness at Work’ – no doubt your employer likes you to NOT be working when he or she is paying you?

‘Mindfulness in a Minute’ – if you’re in that much of a hurry you can’t afford to switch off, surely?

‘Mindfulness for Dummies’ – least said about that…..

There is even a publishing sector creating COLOURING BOOKS, adding ‘Mindfulness’ to the cover and adding £6 to the price. Talk about the Emperor’s new Clothes!

But the things that really concern me about ‘Mindfulness’ is its almost cult-like promotion, to the degree that it is being touted as if it’s the answer to all ills and behavioral challenges.

Mindfulness has its place, without question. But it is an incomplete paradigm, dealing only with escape from, rather than dealing with life. Instead of letting people understand that seeking meaning and passion in what you are or are going to do with your life is desirable, it implies that the answer is, instead, removal from reality. Which is almost a nonsense because the minute you ‘wake up’ reality is still there, and always will be.

Many respected, esteemed and dare I say intellectually backed authors agree – the answer to stress and challenge is not removal from life, but discovery of meaning. Frankl, Covey, Kouzes, Sinek et al all repeat the same discovery, that of facilitators and researchers from time immemorial – that meaning and service will always outweigh challenge and defeat (di)stress.

I am honoured to be able to provide Seven Habits-style training to schools and I believe this, not Mindfulness, is a better solution. It covers training such as how we see things influences how we respond, so seeing differently is an answer. It covers proactivity, where we address how our responses to stimuli can be our choice, not just a reaction. It covers discovery of a life’s purpose/mission and plan, then how to make that happen. It covers interpersonal relationships, leadership, and self-renewal. It is a complete package. (But I freely accept that it may not be the only one.) Mindfulness has its place in that ‘suite’, but it is not a whole solution by any means.

So I ask people: it’s all very well having a screwdriver but that won’t undo the wheel-nuts. Mindfulness is one tool, with a valuable purpose. But wouldn’t you benefit more from a fuller toolbox, instead?

If you’re going to pay for training, make sure it isn’t narrowly focused on one thing – which is arguably nothing – when discovery of meaning, and a plan to realise that meaning, is a holistic solution.

David Palmer is a Facilitation Partner with The Learning and Development Academy, which provides leadership training to students, schools and charities while simultaneously earning income for Caritas Anchor House, a charity providing accommodation AND leadership training to the homeless in London (www.caritasanchorhouse.org.uk ). If you would like to know more about the training they provide for schools, charities and leadership teams, please contact David on 07531 177201.