Category Archives: Purpose and Service

Posts relating to the Third Resolution: “To overcome the restraining forces of unbridled aspiration and ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purposes and to provide service to others.”

Do what you say, not what I do. After you’ve done what I say, and I do, too.

19 Sunday Mar 2017

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Occasionally, I ask myself what people think about my writing this blog. I wonder if they understand the purpose behind it. It’s simple: like any teacher, I have a desire to (a) tell people about the things that I find interesting, that (b) I would like them to use to their benefit; but also (c) so I can hold myself accountable to the things I ‘preach’. The first of those three is the easy part – the other two are damned hard.

People are reluctant to carry out meaningful self-examination, particularly when they are encouraged by others to do so. They sense judgement, an ulterior motive and, in extreme cases when talking about The 7 Habits, religion – even when all of these, and the other rationales for resistance, are actually absent. It is as if they think, “If I didn’t discover it, it’s dodgy.” Then they discover something and wonder why we apply the same thinking!

The funny thing is – and I refer here specifically to personal and professional development training and advice – the motive is unlikely to be negative. Okay, if I am trying to sell it there will be a perceived self-interest to espousing the principles, but in this field the chances are high that we believe in what we are selling because it did something for us. But what if I am trying to persuade you to just read a book written by someone else? Or providing advice I paid for, but for free? I promote the writing of a personal mission statement, or at least the discovery of a defined set of personal values, and you don’t have to pay for either. You just have to accept that doing so will be of benefit.

The other part – (c) above – is the other motive. I want to be better, I want to hold myself accountable and I want you to hold me accountable. But here’s an important caveat – I want you to hold me accountable to my values and how I define them, not to your values or how you define mine. So if I value fitness, then just because you love swimming does not mean I have to get wet. Make me run, if that is my chosen route to a healthy physiology. Ask me first what my intended route is, and encourage me to take it. Only after doing that might you say, “Have you considered X”, and if I want to know more, tell me then.

Hold me accountable to what I have promised. There’s a big clue on the Personal Mission page of this site. And have a look at your own sense of purpose – or try to discover what it actually is because I bet many people don’t really know.

Just to be clear – in terms of my own MS, this week I will be training someone to drive at an advanced level and representing my industry at a national standards-setting institution 160 miles from chez moi. (I’ll also be trying to diet……)

Apart from your paid work, what will you be doing that is keeping with your values-system this week?

 

Don’t learn TOO much. Find ‘The Way’ that works, then ignore alternatives.

12 Sunday Feb 2017

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I attended a talk last Monday by an excellent speaker, Jamie Denyer, whose presentation included a sobering observation. Once I got past his odd clothing choice – a bit hip-hop for a grandfather living in Swansea – I really enjoyed all of his talk, except that sobering bit. The sobering bit thrown right at me, personally. At least, I thought it was personal. I thought it was personal because the cap did fit and I had to wear it.

He described the individual who buys a personal development book, avidly reads it to the last page, then puts it down and “waits for the magic to work.” Then, when it doesn’t work because they aren’t applying it in a disciplined fashion they go out and buy the next one – and repeat. Then they repeat ad nauseum. He said that this is referred to in the trade as ‘shelf-development’, in that your book shelf gets fitter by holding up all your books.

Ouch. You should see my collection.

When I give talks on self-leadership (yes, fraudulently to some degree), one of the things I tell people is this.

  1. Choose your self-help book carefully. (I recommend The 7 Habits or Awaken the Giant Within, plus a couple of good time management books.)
  2. Apply the content religiously and don’t buy any other book!

There is a personal reason that I do this. I will sit there and read one of my books. I will then think, “This is the system I will now apply.” I will then see another book, listen to another trainer, see a new form, or just have something come to mind when I am walking the dog, and I start to think about how I will apply that instead of what I was already (supposedly) doing. As a result, instead of ‘doing’ I am perpetually ‘thinking about doing’.

The daft thing is – and Stephen Covey wrote about this in The 8th Habit – they are all saying the same thing.

  • They ALL say that taking responsibility for our thoughts is the key to a directed, patient, principled life.
  • They ALL say that having goals and a sense of direction towards a passion is key to a successful life.
  • They ALL say that relationships are important.
  • They ALL say that looking after your body enables success in the former three endeavours.

BUT they all have subtly nuanced alternatives to how to apply the philosophy to the discovery of a purpose and how to define goals.

I have suggested before that success is created by application of self to a simple philosophy.

  1. Know what you want.
  2. Manage your time accordingly.
  3. Communicate with clarity – in and out.

After that, it’s all about method, system and practices. For me, I always come back to Covey’s template because I understand it so well, teach it in schools, and absolutely believe in the systematic approach and principled teaching that it is. You could choose Canfield’s, Robbins’, Ziglars, Hobbs – whoever you like.

But just pick one. It leaves the mind clear for the important stuff. Then apply it with discipline.

Back to Basics. Best cure possible.

01 Monday Aug 2016

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Please pardon my absence – been hard at it and just completed two weekends away, hence no meaningful opportunity to give lots of thought to this blog. While I was away, however, something happened which I felt worth a good chroniclin’.

I was out with my family, on the first of the two-in-a-row weekend break opportunities that had serendipitously opened up. (The second was a 35th anniversary weekend away that coincidentally happened both temporally and geographically coterminous with some top-level motor-racing, but that was a genuine accident even though my wife doesn’t believe me.)

We had gone out for an evening meal in a busy restaurant and I suddenly felt absolutely miserable. Not wishing to demean ‘real’ depression, but I felt so absolutely and irrationally fed up, all of a sudden, that I could imagine that feeling that way all of the time must be hell. I didn’t like it.

All kinds of emotions welled up, and I decided in a moment of utter pain that I would delete each and every mission statement and values list I had ever written and stored on my computer – and start again. That, I thought, should sort me out.

Well, it didn’t. I did delete all those records, and I did reconsider my values, principles and mission statement. And guess what happened?

Yup, exactly what I should have expected.

Anything I wrote reflected what I had always written. My vales were still what they have been for a long time; my objectives stayed the same; the words got jiggled about but the meaning remained constant.

My discovery?

When you feel down, it isn’t necessarily changing external things that will solve your problem.

Your emotional problems are often solved by reflecting on and returning to a focus upon what you should have been doing in the first place.

My problem wasn’t that my mission statement was wrong; my problem was that I wasn’t properly living it. I wasn’t exercising (hadn’t for a week); my writing wasn’t getting done (too ‘busy’, apparently); some short term plans hadn’t come to fruition and I’d allowed an empty space to develop. But through reviewing my PMS I rediscovered what I am for. The PMS is a reminder of what you/I can be when I/we are at our best. It is a constant that we can rely on.

All that said, there is something I am going to do to my Three Resolutions PMS. And that is I am going to turn it upside down. While development of your compliance with the Three Resolutions starts with self-discipline and develops towards purpose and service, execution of the Three Resolutions should start with Purpose and Service.

Nobly serving others with excellence, in the field you have chosen, or ‘just’ your family and friends.

That’s what’ll make you happy.

Some things can’t be put off.

03 Sunday Jul 2016

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“Almost always, there IS one thing among all others that must be done first.” Stephen R Covey

And more often than we’d care to admit, said ‘one thing’ gets demoted to ‘lower than the quick, convenient or more pleasurable thing’. How do I know this?

I know this because I procrastinate for Wales. As the national team strives ever forward towards whatever level of success their skills, self-belief and luck dictate, I find that when it comes to putting things off – even the things that I consider to be important – I am Gold Medal Standard.

I am currently involved in a project that I consider to be very important, even ‘legacy-related’. It is something I believe in, wholeheartedly. It relates to the provision of Third Resolution service and it requires Second Resolution competence in communication and time management. Unfortunately, sitting down and getting on with it requires First Resolution self-discipline, and like many procrastinators, that is where lies any failure to get on with it.

Which is not to say that I am not making progress. In recognising that I have a tendency to procrastinate, I also realise that this tendency also creates the ‘opportunity’ to exercise self-discipline and get on my arse and do it. (Deliberate choice of words, it involves sitting at a desk.)

Once a day I have to sit at my computer and do what I both want and have to get done. In our digital world this presents a challenge, because just as the average worker sits at that screen, a tumultuous number of ‘alternative opportunities’ not only arise, but actually demand a change of attention.

The ‘ping’ of a new email, the potential new ‘Breaking News’ which requires repeated visits to the Interweb, only to discover that said Breaking News is, in fact, the same news you heard about an hour ago but which now has a journalist in place confirming that what he said just now was still the case. The stimulus on the screen which sparks in your memory the existence of a ‘to-do’ you had not realised you had, er, to do, until the screen/noise/presence alerted you to it.

All of those things can take seconds to address, but their presence and ‘in your face’ nature pulls you away from that original commitment, and getting back to it takes effort.

In the final analysis, however, it is the execution of self-discipline that cures all this. Turn off the pings, resist the desire to ‘just check on’ the BBC News, shut your office door (a surprisingly effective anti-interruption technique that costs nothing), and GET THE HELL ON WITH IT.

And get on with it particularly if what it is you have to get on with is important, whether to you – or to someone about whom who care.

That last caveat also means that when your wife appears over your shoulder, you really, truly ought to change your focus from the screen to her. Your loved ones should always, ALWAYS be first. If only because, life being what it is, suddenly and unexpectedly they won’t be there to be first anymore.

Which brings me back to procrastination.

I really must stop putting her off when I’m busy ……….

 

For more on Time and Life Management, go HERE for the Kindle book, or HERE for the paperback version of my book.

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All proper service is self service.

22 Sunday May 2016

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“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Third Resolution reads: – “To overcome the restraining forces of unbridled aspiration and ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purposes and to provide service to others.”

The ‘imposition’ of compliance with all of the Three Resolutions is that having achieved higher levels of self-discipline, competence and character, we should use the benefits of that achievement by serving others. Otherwise, we have not achieved, or at least achieved enough; nor are we living ethically.

Note that the Third Resolution does NOT state, either explicitly nor implicitly, that the only kind of service one should provide is selfless, charitable or sacrificial. Only that the talents and resources serve others.

We do that every day when we go to work and exercise our competence to the benefit of our employer and clients. We do it when we enjoy doing something for expenses only, as well as when we do things for free. The focus of the Third Resolution is on the provision of service, freely given or paid. So there is no need to feel angst when we don’t give money or time to charity, providing we give our time with the objective of making other peoples’ lives better.

At the same time, compliance with the Third Resolution does not prevent you providing free, charitable, selfless service to others!

(Of course, the cynic in me recognises the irony in doing some stunt to raise money for charity while giving money to someone else for their exploits to the same end. It means that my money goes around in an endless economic typhoon, coming back to me and then going elsewhere. That’s why when I do feel the urge to do something charitable I just give, and don’t ask others for money back. And don’t get me started on the question why, after Help for Heroes was set up to aid wounded servicemen, half a dozen other charities all appeared seeking the same end. Charitable? Not if it only benefits those egos that won’t work with the originals, no.)

Giving your time and competency for free in the service of others is, arguably, enough. Let others focus their efforts on collecting cash if that is their strength. Play to your own. Teach, role model, give your time – whatever you can do to serve, don’t feel obliged to comply with someone else’s expectations or impositions.

Do so because, as Emerson suggests, you become better and feel more compete when you do so. For example, I have just started a process to teach/mentor drivers in advanced driving technique. My objective is improved driving standards, not road safety – although the latter will be served by the former. Doing this serves me as much as it serves my future trainees because that task reminds me of my own need to be a better driver, to maintain a high standard and keep on learning so that my teaching improves. I get better attitudinally and technically, as I help others do the same. Emerson was right.

Serve your own way – in a way that is a reflection of your Mission Statement. But serve.

This week, decide what you have to offer that would benefit others through a charitable (free) route, or just revisit your attitude towards the paid work you do and see if you can improve it. Join a professional association, a charity – anything!

For more on The Third Resolution, go to Amazon.

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Serve others – because in doing so you will serve yourself.

06 Saturday Feb 2016

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“A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.” Patricia Neal and Richard DeNeut

I had the pleasure, honour and challenge of presenting a principle-centred leadership programme to a class of young people this week, which makes the above quote a little more appropriate and timely. Years ago I approached the UK arm of the 7 Habits ‘people’ about providing Seven Habits training to schools, and as they’d already thought of it themselves (DUH!) they were piqued by my interest and invited me along to a consultation on the subject. Much later I was able to fund and provide a full 7 Habits for Teens programme at a local school, and after a lot of other opportunities came my way I am now able to provide such training on a more formal basis.

When I first started following the 7 Habits, which was as a result of reading First Things First and being enthralled and inspired by the approach to principle centred living, one of the most impactive thoughts I had was, “Why wasn’t I taught this in schools?” As a (then) 35-year-old having a bit of a crisis, and coming through it because of what I had read and applied, I was almost embittered by the fact that I had learned this ‘stuff’ 17 years too late. In fairness, as it had only just become well-known since the publication of the book when I was 28 this was not entirely society’s fault.

But now this kind of training CAN be taught to schools throughout the world, and specifically in the UK, I would ask any of you involved in education to look at the site through which more details can be found, namely, http://www.learninganddevelopmentacademy.com .

Engaging young people and telling them that what society, their environment and their past tells them may not be true and that they are able to control, plan, prepare for and execute on their own destiny is immensely noble. Yes, my Third Resolution is being executed on by my providing this service to teenagers and their teachers, and at the same time this provision allows me to reinforce my own (usually poor) performance in this area.

We learn most what we teach. The more I teach this material the better I get, not only as an individual but as a teacher.

What do you do that teaches you as you serve? What sort of person have you become – or could you become – as a result of discovering your own noble purpose and serving others in a way that simultaneously serves you?

Find out. Then do it. It’d amazingly developmental.

 

For more on the Third Resolution, invest in The Three Resolutions at Amazon. Or get the Kindle version HERE.

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What do you believe in?

03 Sunday Jan 2016

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And what exactly are you doing about it?

The Third Resolution states, “To overcome the Restraining Forces of Aspiration and Ambition, I resolve to dedicate my talents and resources to noble purpose and to provide service to others.” This is achievable at many possible levels, but in the final analysis it is NOT done – and here I am being a tad accusatory – by signing a petition on Facebook, or ‘sharing’ a post which, if you are objective and sit back for a moment, you cannot be certain is real.

(I’ve lost count of pictures of someone/something where the post is circulated to capture someone for something evil they have done. When we have no knowledge if the post is actually true, or us in fact an attempt to destroy someone else’s reputation, or to find someone for evil purposes.)

Service requires something more than just agreeing with someone else’s opinion, more than putting a £1 in a charity tin. It requires positive, meaningful ACTION.

To illustrate, let me show off. I believe in The Seven Habits and associated philosophies. I believe in the professionalism of the investigation industry. So to positively act in respect of the former I funded and provided delivery of 7 Habits for Teens training at a local school and I have recently joined a group of people doing something similar on a national basis. In respect of the investigators I have, with others, produced a training course and oversee its delivery to students interested in becoming investigators.

In respect of both I was a volunteer, but the service provided and the associated experience has led to both now being real and potential sources of income. (Don’t anticipate being a millionaire but every little helps.)

And there is nothing wrong with being paid a reasonable, appropriate return for the provision of noble service to others. It’s how the world works. If you couldn’t earn money serving you’d starve. (David Middleton’s reported £250k pa from a charity seems a bit steep.)

But providing service based on what you believe in is a lot better than just trudging through life counting widgets when widget counting does not float your boat. If your work can’t reflect your beliefs, then volunteer in a way that does. You may find that being in the ‘service’ pond enables you to swim with the bigger fish that’ll take you better places. (Plaices? Sorry.)

And when push comes to shove, if you value only your family, then make sure that the service you provide is the one they want. Take them on holiday where THEY want to go. Buy the things they NEED, not just WANT.

And be there, be present. You don’t serve the family you say you value, by spending all your time earning money to buy the things that take up their attention so they don’t notice your absence.

For more on the Third Resolution, consider purchasing the book HERE.

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Tempus meum prope est in tempore non tuo*

20 Sunday Sep 2015

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“We’re stewards over our time, our talents, our resources. Stewardship involves a sense of being accountable to someone or something higher than self.” Stephen R Covey

One of ‘my’ original tenets is that everything we do in life we do for someone, with someone, or as a result of someone else’s input. We don’t live and work in a vacuum. Stewardship reflects this situation – for our purposes it is defined thus by Wikipedia – “Stewardship is now generally recognized as the acceptance or assignment of responsibility to shepherd and safeguard the valuables of others.” Stewardship ‘is a trust, in the sense that what we have (talents, time, resources) are not ours to do with as we please, but they belong to others. We therefore have a responsibility to use those things wisely for others.

Accepting for a moment one of my other tenets (that there’s nothing wrong with finding ‘what’s in it for me’ in any service or purpose), you and I are therefore stewards, and accountable for the use of our time, talents and resources because they also belong to those we serve.

Even when what we are doing is essentially selfish on the outside (having fun, partying, starting a new business in an effort to make money, going fishing), others are being served by us – they are being paid to provide their services, they are being employed, they are partying with us, etc.) There is no accountability gap. What we do involves others either as servants or the served. Hence the stewardship argument – to do the best we can with what we have, so that others can be served too.

What are you using your time for? Or more precisely, are you using your time to best effect – are you serving, learning, growing, becoming something more than you were a few minutes, days or weeks ago? How about your talents? Are you holding back on the best you could be in the hope that someone will notice what you’re hiding and suddenly make you great? How about other resources – are they sitting idle, rusting and deteriorating through lack of use? Remember that the unused car may look nice, but when you try to start it – will it seize? (Cliché moment – a ship is safest in the harbour, but that’s not what ships are for.)

At the moment I am at a bit of a hiatus – a number of projects are ongoing and awaiting the moment of execution. Once they start I hope I’ll be run off my feet but just now it’s almost quiet. So in an effort to utilise my own time I will be reviewing my writings (books!) and seeing how I can improve and recirculate them as a service to those who may just benefit from the assembly of words and the codifying of random thoughts. I’m also reading a novel or two and I’ve committed to testing myself in one of my hobby areas in an effort to comply with my Three Resolutions.

Time’s a-wasting, and as it belongs to you I have every intention of using your time wisely. Oh, and thanks for letting me have it.

*My time is your time. According to Google Translate.

Obedience. Particularly liberating if you’re obeying YOU.

23 Sunday Aug 2015

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“Obedience is different to freedom. But it is not its opposite. You can freely choose to obey.”

“First rule of personal development reading: Don’t question the text. Let the text ask questions of YOU.”

“Your personal mission/vision statement: “A summons to you every morning, a checklist every night.”

Abbott Christopher Jamison

I’ve quoted three times this week because I found all three in a single holiday read entitled, “Finding Sanctuary.” Notwithstanding the fact that the book is written by a Benedictine monk (that UK TV viewers may know through the programme The Monastery) it is refreshingly short in religious content – so short that I felt able to reflect on the quotes from a secular, personal development perspective.

From a Three Resolutions angle, then, look at the three quotes. The first is recognition that just because a framework exists in life or work doesn’t mean that you are controlled by it – it means that you have a framework within which you have the freedom to act with conscience. If you are the creator of that framework, then you are obedient only to your own values and standards, and if you are doing a job you chose, then it will be what you make of it. You are free to obey what you choose to obey. If what you choose seems, to others, to be onerous then they may accuse you of blind obedience – but if you have chosen that obedience as a free man – then you demonstrate self-discipline, self-denial and character.

The second quote is a pointed remark aimed at those who see a book and question its content because of some invented or irrelevant reason, like the woman who picked up a book on leadership and glanced at the contents page, dismissively declared, “Huh! Written by a Mormon” and so failed to ask the better question, “Can I learn from what’s in it?” Or, as I might have bluntedly asked, “Do you have the intellectual capacity to get over your prejudice and actually read the book to see if religion is even mentioned?” (Smile…) I only respect the opinions on book made by those who’ve read and understood the content, not those who judge it by its cover alone. (And copying ‘The Secret’s cover design template doesn’t make your book good.) You don’t develop or learn or grow by pre-judging something based on a glance, tempting as that often is.

The last quote was the one that made me get out and go running while I was on holidays (hence my absence last week.) It’s a doozy. The quote is a profound reminder that once you have a mission statement or a set of unifying principles it’s a good idea to remind yourself in the morning what it says – treating is as a ‘summons to action/compliance – and then, at the end of that day, review it to check whether or not you lived in congruence with what you have stated you believe. Did you plan your day based on that mission, and have you demonstrated character, provided service, exercised self-discipline and executed on it?

Read more. It’s empowering.

Take Action – or reap the rewards of inaction.

04 Tuesday Aug 2015

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You MUST execute on your Mission Statement!

The world is full of nearly people. In his book ‘How to Be Brilliant’, Michael Heppell tells the story of a man we’ll call John, who went to school with a friend of his, a good friend, called Richard. As they passed through school Richard was always coming up with weird ideas about projects and always invited John to take part. John was cautious and would initially promise to help but would then find excuses to avoid participation. When they left school Richard would still invite John along, but John would still prevaricate. In the end, Richard Branson became an entrepreneurial billionaire and adventurer. Who is John?

I’m not for one minute suggesting that execution of your plan will make you a billionaire (even though it might). I AM suggesting that inaction will probably keep you where you are, though. And I am assuming that, having purchased or read this book, you don’t like that place. But your situation may get even worse.

If you keep money in a drawer under your bed, interest rate rises and inflation mean that over time your money will buy less, so it actually lessens in value. If you put it in a bank, particularly a safe bank, it will grow, at least in keeping with inflation (okay, probably just under). If you speculate wisely you might make that money increase in value, potentially by some high degree. It is the same with this book. If you put it in a bank….

Sorry to be flippant. What I am saying is this – if you stay where you are, in that uncomfortable place you’ve decided isn’t where you want to be, things will get worse. If you’re fat and do nothing, you’ll get fatter as you get older and it’ll have serious health consequences. Are you planning on having a Stennah Stairlift, to driving around the local shops on an invalid carriage motor-scooter, and to having your bum wiped by a nurse as you dribble over the side of the bed? If you have no job and you do nothing, you’ll probably freeze to death in your seventies because you have no pension to pay the fuel bills. If you are a person of poor character and do nothing, you will likely live a long lonely life before dying alone and unloved because people know what you truly are. If you don’t contribute in some way, even in the meaningful but simple ways suggested, you will be forgotten. If you suffer from all these maladies, you die fat, alone and forgotten after spending a long time in healthcare/nursing home purgatory. That is what will happen if you do nothing about what you’ve read here. (Scared, yet?)

It may not come to that. You may be part way to being a semi-disciplined, healthy, employed person of good character with some community involvement that benefits others – but you want more or you wouldn’t be here, would you?

But you won’t get ‘more’ if you do nothing. ‘More’ requires effort, learning and contribution. It requires that you stop doing what doesn’t serve you, start doing what does, start living with integrity with principles, ensure you’re current in working practices valued by employers, and you purposefully provide some kind of service that benefits others I some way.

It requires compliance with the Three Resolutions.