It’s been a ‘different’ week. After 4 months of retirement where I’ve been able to focus on doing what I want and when I want to do it, I was provided with some paid work this week, and I found myself both welcoming it and begrudging it!

I was glad of the opportunity to earn some money and contribute to something important, something in keeping with my PMS which required the application of my intellect. But at the same time I was actually nervous about it – was I up to the task? The absence of having to carry out that kind of work for even such a short time created a little self-doubt, which sense and a review of my value and mission statements soon put to sleep. Valuable things, those. You should get some.

At the same time I actually felt put upon – the sudden need to discipline myself back into a working role, necessary because of the urgency of the task assigned to me (outside my circle of influence therefore not worthy of any further attention), meant I had to really push – and I had to push harder because I was doing unfamiliar work with a steep but satisfying learning curve. (That’s not to say I had no idea what I was doing! But I did have to raise my game to meet newer expectations, which was also satisfying.)

Is this a common experience among the newly re-engaged, I wonder?

I think I’m ready to go back to work, but I would miss the freedom of deciding, for myself, what I will do and when I will do it.

Now, where’s the £2 for that lottery ticket……

Advertisements